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Sunday, August 21, 2011

Bolder August

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Early afternoon sunshine
Chases us up the driveway
Bolder and surer than August sun
Should probably be.

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Kids playing,
Neighbors up and down the street -
The sidewalks alive
With shouts and strollers.
And busy Sunday get-it-dones.

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But these are the moments
You brush aside the gently cool shade
of every-day oblivion

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To catch your life's meaning
And purpose.
To hold it -
Breathless -
And to know it.

And then let it go on
Into this bolder August.


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Monday, August 15, 2011

Undid

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I was comin' here to say:

{They're inside this lovely, shaded tree house, eating a picnic lunch together. I can't hear what they're saying, but every now and again the wind blows a gust of their conversation to me where I sit watching them from the kitchen table.

And they're sharing a Hershey bar for dessert.

And I am their Mom.}


... with a lump in my throat, recognizing the beauty of their childish joy in such simple things, cherishing the just ... everything of the moment.

But now?

They're bickering and crying over a broken doll stroller and I just spent 15 minutes trying to get half a bottle of red this stuff, which Peabody ripped open and squirted while I was cooing away about their wonderfulness to myself, out of my beige family room carpet, and all the remnants of their picnic are still sittin' out there in the back yard, baking in the sun, forgotten and unthanked.

And so I'm not sayin' it.







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Thursday, August 11, 2011

Strong Enough to Let Go

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I know I was created by God for a purpose, and that He loves me as much as (no, more than, and with a perfect love I can't reach with my own human soul) I love my own kids, even when I am naughty, or useless, or just ungrateful.

I don't question that. I cling to it. You have to, don't you?

But sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just suddenly stopped trying to prove my worth to the people around me, and quietly and calmly let them figure it out for themselves, based on my Rudimentary Me-ness. Whatever that might actually turn out to be if I stopped cluttering up the real-ness with all my Proof.

What joyful/painful truths would that reveal?

The thought is both terrifying (I'd lose control. Or, well, I'd relinquish the illusion of control I clinch tenaciously in my permanently-curled soul-fingers.)

And liberating. (I wouldn't have to be in control. I could rest. I could open my palms wide and just ... be.)

Oh, what a thought.

I'm not sure I'd ever have the mental/emotional strength to actually let go, (and isn't it such irony that I even think I have to rely on my strength to do the letting go?) but I do wonder sometimes, in a thought-breeze that both refeshingly cools and ominously chills ...

What if I just did?

Do you ever wonder that?



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Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Together, We are a PINK Ocean

"Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean.” -- Ryunosuke Satoro

Tomorrow starts my second journey with friends and my sister, Jackie, in the Susan G. Komen 3-Day here in Chicago.

Naw, I'm not the least bit excited, y'all. (Wink.)

This year's 26 member Team Cure or Bust sports three mom/daughter pairs, a mom and TWO daughters pair, two sister pairs and about bazillion best friendships. We're also blessed to be walking with three amazing cancer survivors and one mom (my sister) who is currently battling cancer with her 8 year old son (my nephew Owen). As of today, the team has raised $65,500 in 2011 to fight breast cancer. We are so grateful to those who have contributed. I am so touched by the many of you who have given so generously this year. Thank you!

If you're the praying kind, we'd all gratefully accept prayers for a happy, healthy, cool-ish, memorable walk and a sweet, bond-building time together. If you're a long-term pray-er, will you please pray that every dollar we've raised will be funneled with razor-edged precision and immediacy to the exact places it needs to go to help researchers find a cure for cancer? And keep on praying for cancer's victims and survivors. There are entirely too many lives impacted by this disease, y'all.

And as always, will you please keep praying for our Owen and for my mom?





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