Thursday, August 11, 2011

Strong Enough to Let Go


I know I was created by God for a purpose, and that He loves me as much as (no, more than, and with a perfect love I can't reach with my own human soul) I love my own kids, even when I am naughty, or useless, or just ungrateful.

I don't question that. I cling to it. You have to, don't you?

But sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just suddenly stopped trying to prove my worth to the people around me, and quietly and calmly let them figure it out for themselves, based on my Rudimentary Me-ness. Whatever that might actually turn out to be if I stopped cluttering up the real-ness with all my Proof.

What joyful/painful truths would that reveal?

The thought is both terrifying (I'd lose control. Or, well, I'd relinquish the illusion of control I clinch tenaciously in my permanently-curled soul-fingers.)

And liberating. (I wouldn't have to be in control. I could rest. I could open my palms wide and just ... be.)

Oh, what a thought.

I'm not sure I'd ever have the mental/emotional strength to actually let go, (and isn't it such irony that I even think I have to rely on my strength to do the letting go?) but I do wonder sometimes, in a thought-breeze that both refeshingly cools and ominously chills ...

What if I just did?

Do you ever wonder that?

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  1. This is just beautiful, Meghan. And the most perfect questions to ask.

    Just the other day I was struggling with needing some affirmation from the people around me. I decided to sit down with my Bible, but I didn't know where to look. It was weird, but God put in my head, "You could always go to Romans 15." Huh? Romans? Well, I turned there and found this verse (in the New Living Translation): "I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him." I realized that the encouragement I needed could not come from the people around me, but it only comes from GOD who is the source of my hope.

    I don't know. This has been rolling around in my head this week. Thought it might help you too.

  2. I don't think I realized that I wanted this, but I do. Wow.


  3. Every single day. Bless your beautiful perfect soul.

  4. I *do* wonder that! As far as you go, I am pretty sure that you would find that people love you just as much as ever (maybe even MORE). And if they didn't? Well, who needs people around who do not love you for exactly who you are?

  5. I wonder this such a lot lately! Thank you for posting your thoughts about it. My head is too jumbled up with stuff to post more about what *I* think on the subject, but oh I wish I would just get on and STOP trying to prove myself! I know I would be so much more content, and there would be so much more joy involved in seeking to please solely an audience of One. So why don't I?! The million dollar question/frustration!

    P.S. Every time I see a photo of you, I smile! Even from behind. You just have that effect on me! xx

  6. I love this so very much.

    I think the older I get, the more I tired I get and the more I just lapse into Rudimentary Me by default. And I dig it. It feels great.

    (PS - you are gorgeous)

  7. I have wondered that.....and often I wish I could see me as my child sees me. I strive to just love myself as my child does...without question.

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  9. Wow - love this! I love the line about cluttering up my real-ness with all of my Proof! Thanks for writing this! :)

  10. This gets to the heart of it for me. My husband and I were just having this conversation tonight, as he was encouraging me to let go of my need to be all things to all people. So much of that is rooted in insecurity, which is all the more reason to spread it out into the sunlight of God for healing. Thanks for your writing.