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Thursday, January 27, 2011

Staying in the Tracks

Peabody's finally better after a many-day bout with an upper respiratory virus, so I drove him to school in a snowstorm this morning.

The snow falls harder than the plows can keep up with, and roads are unusually thick in white, with dirty gray cuts, two side-by-side, from the car that bore the person who braved the journey just ahead of me. I know, after five winters here, to stay in the tracks. Stay in the tracks, focus on the road ahead, creep slowly along, feel the road beneath me and respond methodically, never let it surprise me, never make a sudden move, never let down my guard. The quick, guttural reaction is my enemy - for outside of the tracks lies a slippery slope.

This is the how-I-am for now. I stay on my life-track, my mind focused on this day, this task, these people in front of me. I don't veer to Owen's diagnosis, my grandmother's death, my mother's pain; slippery slope-fall, avalanche-shove, flood un-dammed.

I do what the tracks tell me to do (I try to do it with love, although I admit that in certain moments the tracks are dirty gray), and never, ever veer.

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4 comments:

  1. Hugs and prayers for you, Megan. You are brave and strong!

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  2. much love to you, my friend. thinking of you often. ♥

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  3. Oh, yes. I like what Carrien said. It's hard (SO HARD) to believe it when staying in the tracks requires every bit of your energy, when concentrating on the tracks makes your muscles scream and your head throb. And there's really not much anyone else can do, not much except prayer, really. And so I'm praying, sister. I'm praying.

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