Thursday, July 30, 2009

Look, I'm Not Altogether Proud of This

Twitter was abuzz yesterday with some of my favorite funny-peoples' ideas for Failed Children's Book Titles. I had to play along. I was helpless to fight it. I'm dieting, so I'd already used up all my will-power for the day feeding Bean Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and not eating any myself.

(Okay I had a spoonful. A serving spoonful. Or two. Okay! I cleaned out the pan with the serving spoon after I served her kid-sized portion. But I DID NOT just blatantly dish myself up a steaming hot bowl and sit down at the table and devour it merrily like I thought I deserved it. I horked it down guiltily over the kitchen sink with a long-handled wooden spoon. And that's not the same thing as eating it at all, as you and I both know.)

Anyway, these are some of the titles I Tweeted. I fully expect many of y'all will quickly come up with some hilarious ones, too, so please share them with me in the comments.

Curious George and the Automatic Meat Grinder with Sausage-Making Attachment

If You Give a Mouse a Feral Cat

Because We're Hoping This One Looks Less Like a Lizard: The Real Reasons Mommy & Daddy Are Having Another Baby

Cloudy with a Chance of Raw Veal Shanks

Guess How Much I'd Love to Sell You to The Gypsies?

Amelia Bedelia Washes the Toaster

Everybody Poops on the Potty: Don't Be Such a Lemming, Kid

Mr. Brown Can Knock Over a Liquor Store And Lead The Cops on a High Speed Chase That Ends in a Shootout at the Mall, Can You?

Caillou - Mob Boss

Curious George Goes To the Morgue

Ganja Weed For Sal

We're Going On A Beer Run

A Child's Complete History of Serial Murder
(A Lift the Flap Book!)

And yes, I know. Some of these are bad. BAD BAD BAD. And disrespectful. And insensitive.

And you laughed. You know you did.

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  1. I laughed maniacally, if someone was looking they'd swear I was a looney nut job! So glad to see you blogging more regularly, I've missed the laughs.

  2. Yesterday's tweets were some of the funniest things I ever, ever read. I LOVED yours.

  3. The Very Hungry Cannibal by Eric Carle


    Glad you're back to writing more!
    -- Nancy

  4. I was cracking up yesterday, reading all the titles being flung about on Twitter. I wish I had had enough creative juices to play along, but I didn't. Some other time.

  5. These are hilarious! My 18mth old's current favorite book is Mr.Brown can Moo, so I love the name of your version! Thanks for giving us a laugh.

  6. That Gypsy one is my favorite. Ever. I actually laughed out loud and got some straaaange looks. I also liked CG goes to the morgue & the serial killer lift-the-flap. HILARIOUS.

  7. Oh side hurts now. Wow...twisted but HILARIOUS!!

  8. You SHOULD be proud. I'm still cracking up about Calliou: Mob Boss 24 hours later.

  9. I totally laughed. Wish I could think of some...

  10. I laughed yesterday and today. Good work.

  11. Those were hysterical! Thanks for posting them because I missed some of them!

  12. I laughed yesterday, but seeing them all in one list really has me giggling. To myself. Because I'm at work.

    I've been sitting here trying to come up with one... but my creativity is failing me at the moment. :(

  13. I was following these on Twitter yesterday and loving every minute of it. Thanks for the summary!!

  14. Those are AWESOME!!!!! I teach 2nd grade and I cracked up!

  15. Very thoughtful, had a great time reading your post

  16. I love the 'Going on a Beer Run' title!

  17. Oops the "L" is me - I pushed the wrong button!

  18. Hysterical! Woo Hoo - too funny. You had me at the mac and cheese.

  19. Here are a few of my favorites growing up:

    "Good Knights Moon"

    "Call of the Girls Gone Wild"

    "Grim Fairy Tails"

    "Gullible's Travels"

    "The Wizard of Ooze"

    "The Iliad and The Honda Odyssey"

    "The Princess and the Pee"

    "Tarzan of the Grapes"

    Oh, and just for you and your blog and the fact that you're in Chicago:

    "Fried Oprah"

    (I missed the Twitter exchange, so I hope I'm not being repetitive)

    Let me know if you need more, in case you want to start a children's book series. : )

  20. Oh my, did I laugh! And also was grateful I had finished the coffee.

  21. *snort. You have always had that humor thing going for ya. ;) Sorry I missed the Twitter exchange! I laughed so hard I woke up my son this morning.

  22. A Child's Complete History of Serial Murder? With pictures? ooo, I can hardly wait to read that one with my grandchildren.