I am in charge of The Condiments.
Because Al is the man, and we're all about the women's lib here but even still, we haven't evolved past that all-important basic law of nature:
The man grills.
But lemme tell you, I do not take my role as Condiment Czar lightly, people.
Here's what I've got so far:
Ketchup (or catsup, y'all take your pick. What's the difference between the two? Does anyone know?)
Mustard, French's or Grey Poupon
Mayo (bringing out the Hellman's and bringin' out the best)
Hidden Valley Ranch dressing
Raw sweet onion slices
dill pickle slices
sliced damater (tomato, for y'all non-Southerners)
sauteed sweet onions
Homemade Pimiento Cheese
sliced pickled jalapenos
chow chow ('Cause when it comes to burgers, you just never know 'til you try!)
my special burger sauce (which is sump'm akin to the Big Mac special sauce: a sortof McThousand Islandy base with the added zip of McHorseradish, yum!)
So with all that to choose from, I'm thinkin' I want a bacon/onion/swiss/mushroom burger with special sauce. But then I also want a bacon/bleu cheese burger. Or a bacon/lettuce tomato burger with homemade pimiento cheese. And now I'm also thinking I should put out some Sweet Baby Ray's Vidalia Onion Barbecue Sauce, which further complicates the decision-makin' process.
I know! Maybe I'll just graze off the condiment bar all night and forego the burger altogether.
As an aside, Al's outside playin' with Peabody in the back yard and he's got the remote control control key fob in his pocket. Unbeknownst to him, the garage door is just a'goin'. Up and down, up and down, up and down, over and over and over. Sometimes it only makes it halfway up before it's goin' down again.
You know I really think we are probably a constant source of entertainment for all the people who live on our street, y'all.
Thursday morning when I came back from pickin' Bean up from Art Camp I realized we'd left SIXTEEN (which I believe constitutes a herd, does it not?) multi-colored My Little Ponies out front for half the day. All lined up, trotting up the walkway and stairs to the front porch, their floofy little manes blowin' in the breeze for everybody to admire.
And now the Amazing Self-Activating Garage Door Caper.
Yep, that's what we're here for, neighbors. Pleasure to serve y'uns.
Anyway, those two boys must be havin' a good time, whatever they're doin'.
Riddle me this, y'all, Maybe it'll help me make up my mind:
What's on YOUR dream burger?