Saturday, June 27, 2009

Good God A'Mighty Which Way Do I Steer?

We're grillin' burgers tonight at FriedOkra Manor and I?

I am in charge of The Condiments.

Because Al is the man, and we're all about the women's lib here but even still, we haven't evolved past that all-important basic law of nature:

The man grills.

But lemme tell you, I do not take my role as Condiment Czar lightly, people.

Here's what I've got so far:

The Basics:

Ketchup (or catsup, y'all take your pick. What's the difference between the two? Does anyone know?)
Mustard, French's or Grey Poupon
Mayo (bringing out the Hellman's and bringin' out the best)
Hidden Valley Ranch dressing
Raw sweet onion slices
pickle relish
dill pickle slices
sliced damater (tomato, for y'all non-Southerners)
American cheese

Kicked-up Ingreds:

sauteed mushrooms
sauteed sweet onions
Homemade Pimiento Cheese
Bleu cheese
Swiss cheese
sliced pickled jalapenos
chow chow ('Cause when it comes to burgers, you just never know 'til you try!)
my special burger sauce (which is sump'm akin to the Big Mac special sauce: a sortof McThousand Islandy base with the added zip of McHorseradish, yum!)

So with all that to choose from, I'm thinkin' I want a bacon/onion/swiss/mushroom burger with special sauce. But then I also want a bacon/bleu cheese burger. Or a bacon/lettuce tomato burger with homemade pimiento cheese. And now I'm also thinking I should put out some Sweet Baby Ray's Vidalia Onion Barbecue Sauce, which further complicates the decision-makin' process.

I know! Maybe I'll just graze off the condiment bar all night and forego the burger altogether.

As an aside, Al's outside playin' with Peabody in the back yard and he's got the remote control control key fob in his pocket. Unbeknownst to him, the garage door is just a'goin'. Up and down, up and down, up and down, over and over and over. Sometimes it only makes it halfway up before it's goin' down again.

You know I really think we are probably a constant source of entertainment for all the people who live on our street, y'all.

Thursday morning when I came back from pickin' Bean up from Art Camp I realized we'd left SIXTEEN (which I believe constitutes a herd, does it not?) multi-colored My Little Ponies out front for half the day. All lined up, trotting up the walkway and stairs to the front porch, their floofy little manes blowin' in the breeze for everybody to admire.

And now the Amazing Self-Activating Garage Door Caper.

Yep, that's what we're here for, neighbors. Pleasure to serve y'uns.

Anyway, those two boys must be havin' a good time, whatever they're doin'.


Riddle me this, y'all, Maybe it'll help me make up my mind:

What's on YOUR dream burger?

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  1. I'm a bit of a purist when it comes to burgers. My favorite is pepper jack cheese, guacamole, tomato and lettuce.

    My menu says we're having tuna bake for dinner tonight, since I'm too busy packing for our trip tomorrow to make anything more substantial. Can I come to your house?

  2. Yummy! At our house Bob does the grilling and I am in charge of condiment too. If we are having burgers, Bob always hopes I make some baked beans too - makes him happy!
    My burger has lettuce, tomato, mayo and ketchup and maybe a piece of bacon!
    Yes - I have feeling you do provide some entertainment to the neighborhood. You do for me!

  3. The blue cheese and bacon sounds good to me!!

    It all sounds delicious... we're by the pool and barbecuing tritip here!

  4. Entertainment family for all the world to behold, yup, sure nuff!!!
    Love the garage door thing...

  5. Kelly beat me to it. As I read through your list, I thought, "Where, my dear, is the guac?" Let there be guac, Megan. Let. There. Be. Guac.

  6. Oooh, tough decisions. Sounds like you should go the mini-burger/slider route next time so you can have a little bit of everything great without filling up your belly on the first one (or two?)
    My requirements? French's and ketchup on the bottom bun, burger next, CHEDDAR cheese (because American "cheese" is NOT fit to call itself cheese, thankyouverymuch), lettuce, dill pickles, top bun. The mustard and ketchup shall NOT touch the cheese. Ew. :o)

  7. Hmmm...I love a bacon and bleu burger...I also love pimento cheese on my burger. I DO NOT eat tomatoes, onions or lettuce on my burger. Yuck!! The only time I want ketchup or mustard on my burger is if I have a Burger King hot pickles though. I am so weird with my food combos. Happy Weekend to ya'll!!

  8. Oh yes! Men and a grill is there anything else more powerful than that! I would never deprive my husband of that manly chore lol.

    My favorite burger has to be by far a buffolo bleu cheese burger with lettuce, jalapenos, and extra bleu cheese.

    I could so go with a sauteed mushroom, special sauce, swiss cheese burger too.

    Now im starving!

  9. My favorite burger is Mircle Whip, no mayo!!!!! with sauted onions and mushrooms, A1 steak sauce, swiss cheese, lettuce and tomato. And the bun must be toasted!

  10. Wow! Never thought of chow chow and had forgotten all about bleu cheese. I think you've got a great list started. Sounds delicious!

  11. You're BACK! I sooo love the way you write - and this is just YOU YOU YOU! And now I've gotta run, because burgers are now calling my name, thank you very much! :)