I wanted to point y'all to an encouraging post by Lisa at Take90West.
I'm sharing it with you because after having read it yesterday, I've turned up the gas on some long-overdue soul-searching and re-evaluating of my time on-line and how I spend it. Even how I think about FriedOkra and what I've let happen to my original purpose for writing here. I've become obsessed with numbers - how many readers, comments, Twitter followers, page views, emails can I garner in a day? I've started letting these numbers become a measure of my worth as a "writer" and even as a person.
It seems much of what I truly wished for when I opened up this white box four hundred and ninety four posts ago has fallen by the wayside, and a new ambition has taken over. And I'm not saying there's no room for ambition, or even that I can't someday chase my ambitions as far as I like, with wild abandon, as long as it's healthy and helpful to me as I focus on my family's care and upbringing.
But I don't really think it has been, lately.
I will confess right here that I'd love to have thousands upon thousands of readers and receive forty-leven comments on each of my daily clever, insightful and perfectly-written posts. I'd love to be a bloody bloggin' rockstar. I would. If I'm honest with myself, that's the truth, good or bad. My ego loves the idea of being the favorite, the sought-after, the bloggy starlet. Loves the idea of raking in more significant advertising and sponsorship checks to buy Al's pride and respect.
But for what? For whom? Would being a queen of blogging bless the souls of my children? Make me a better, more present, more involved and loving mother? Would showing Al that I can bring in money by having my face and mind planted in a computer all day make me a better wife to him? Show him how much I believe in him as our family's provider and how deeply and earnestly I share his own dreams and ambitions?
SURVEY SAYS? Oh heck to the naw.
Loving my own ambitions so much that I frequently view my children's and husband's daily care, needs and desire for my attention as distractions and interruptions? That's not healthy. I've failed, in the past months, to fully respect and appreciate my God-given role here as wife and mother (of some truly wonderful people).
I've taken the past two days off so to speak, limiting my on-line time to the moments (and there were very few of them!) when my kids didn't need or want me. And you know what? I'm their mommin' rockstar. I'm their favorite. I'm the most sought-after person in their lives!
It's time for me to take a step or two away from my laptop and stop using Feedburner to measure my worth. I'm a Mama. I'm a wife who loves her husband deeply. These three people? They define my success or failure. Period.
Does this change anything here at FriedOkra? No. Not so you'll probably ever notice.
But something inside me has changed.
And I'm so thankful it has.