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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Couldna Been More Plain if the Letters in My Alphabet Soup Had Spontaneously Arranged Themselves to Spell Out FOREVER

So, we've all got horrible colds and Al went back to work yesterday after his vacation. If you'd looked at the dictionary entry for for·lorn yesterday, you'd have seen a picture of Bean and me, eyes brimming with tears, lookin' out the front window of FriedOkra Manor, willing hard for Daddy to come back home to us.

PWEEEASE?

Oh, how I miss that man. And it's not just that I'd love an extra set of hands to help staunch the incessant flow of my children's various bodily excretions, either. I just miss HIM. He's my best friend, plain and simple. I knew that, and I knew HIM, when I married him, but as time has gone by, (and this will sound trite, I know, but it's really real), and as we've lived our lives and weathered our (smallish doses of, I'll admit) hardships together, I've grown to love him so much more deeply. And to know him so well that it surprises even me.

An example: Yesterday I started working on Shrimp Creole to have for dinner right at about lunchtime. Because I know that in order to have even the simplest dinner ready AND tend to the many needs of my sick babies I've got to get started about 7 hours in advance. And I worked on that dish all day long, off and on, until bathtime for the kiddos. All I had left to do was toss in the shrimp and let 'em cook and we'd have been golden. But after bathtime came bedtime for Peabody, and of course, being sick and all, he's regressed in age by about a month, and so would not be soothed or consoled long enough to fall asleep in his crib. So bedtime stretched well into the Final Dinner Prep time slot and I was finally stumbling back down to the kitchen having made a shaky peace with Peabody just as Al walked in the door.

I took one look at that man's face and read, "Not a Shrimp Creole night. This would be a soup and PBJ night."

And I wordlessly packaged up my Shrimpless Creole, stuck it in the fridge, and pulled out my 10 pound can of Creamy Jif.

(We eat a little peanut butter around here.)

As we sat over dinner, quietly eating, both feeling sick and exhausted but inexplicably cozy, I said, "I'd planned shrimp creole for dinner but I just couldn't quite pull it off."

"Mmmm. Shrimp Creole."

"Yeah. Mmmmm. But not tonight mmmm..."

"Nope. Tonight was made for soup and sandwiches."

Yes, it was.

It was made for just that, honey.

AND BLESS YOUR LOVEABLE, SICK LITTLE HEART FOR SAYING SO.

(Sniffle.)

We'll celebrate our fifth anniversary in December, my sweet, funny husband and I. It doesn't sound like much to a veteran married person, but to me, it's a milestone I've pined to reach and break through, and I've been keenly aware of its approach for more than 18 months. My first marriage ended in its fifth year, and for all the loving and the healing and the forgiving of myself I've done in the years since then, there's been an ache and a tiny lingering doubt inside me, that maybe I'd not be able to sustain a marriage beyond that point, in my own heart, no matter who my partner might be.

And with a cross-country move, a tough pregnancy, two major job changes and a brand new baby added to the mix, these past couple of years have presented us with extra challenges and friction and have pulled at our seams, no doubt.

But when I looked up and over my PBJ and my bowl of canned soup at Al last night, I saw my forever future. Oh, we're not perfect. And we're not the flashy, sexy, spontaneous couple we were when we first started dating. We've given up several of our shared dreams (at least for now), made some life-altering decisions and argued hotly until I thought we'd both crumble into smoldering cinders since we married. We've both shown our very worst to one another on several occasions.

What I know, as November turns into December and we quietly celebrate five years of marriage, of real life, together, is that the ache and the doubt I've had about myself and my ability to stay committed and true and in love have vanished.

We're the real deal, Al and me. I'm in this one for good, and knowing that feels like coming home, to me.

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31 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry you guys have been sick, but dang...how cool are you guys as a couple. A real couple. Early congrats on your 5 years of lovin' life together.

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  2. Megan. You have such a beautiful beautiful way with words.
    I would love it if you lived in my house and narrated all of my days, including my inner monologue.

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  3. This just proves the saying "Home is where the heart is."

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  4. You guys HAVE been through a lot in 5 years! Somehow I imagined you'd been married much longer. Happy Anniversary!! :-)

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  5. This entry brought tears to my eyes... what a lucky man to have you to write so sweetly and affectionately about your feelings.

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  6. Congrats on your upcoming anniversary!

    What day is your anniversary? Ours is Dec 15th, and we will be celebrating 7 years.

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  7. I'm with CanCan, could you pop in and narrate my day, it's an extremely long one today and it's barely noon. Feel better!

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  8. Such a beautiful post! congrats on 5 years - I can't wait for my hubby and I to be there too :-)

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  9. Yup, when you have a marriage like that the years just melt away. Enjoy them all.

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  10. This post is so sincere and I do love sincere :) Hope you have a wonderful Anniversary!

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  11. what a beautiful tribute to your hubby!

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  12. What an awesome revelation to have and awesome feeling it is to KNOW your husband is your husband forevermore!! I feel ya girl and if you think 5 is this good wait till ya hit the 10. When you realize you just keep knowing someone better and just keep loving deeper-it is amazing! Congrats on the 5 yr milestone!!

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  13. You brought me to tears here. This is how i felt this year as my husband and my 4 year anni just passed. My longest relationship before him was four years and i always thought in the back of my head what if they is my experration date "4 yeras" and its done. The as it passed i had the same realization...this man loves me good and bad and i love him too. We have weathered some pretty weird, and bad storms and made it last. Thanks for posting this! It touched my heart!!!

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  14. Happy Anniversary to you both! I can relate to what you wrote - my husband is my best friend too, and I just love hanging out with him. I loved this entry.

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  15. How wonderful for you! Hubs and I always tell the couples we counsel that year five is a doozy. It's like the year the gloves come off, the masks come off, and you decide either to trust this person to love you no matter what and stay with you, or you pull back in self-defense. You let it all hang out and hopefully realize "they're still here." This is for real. And it just gets better and better!

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  16. I love this post, thanks for sharing.

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  17. What a way with words. I can relate - I've got a few more years to go. I've never doubted myself, though. I've always wondered if it was possible that anyone could stand to be with me longer than seven years. My Hubby and I still have a couple more years to go. Here's to hoping he's not going anywhere.

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  18. What a way with words. I can relate - I've got a few more years to go. I've never doubted myself, though. I've always wondered if it was possible that anyone could stand to be with me longer than seven years. My Hubby and I still have a couple more years to go. Here's to hoping he's not going anywhere.

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  19. I love this post. You know - your love for Al shine through in any post where he is mentioned but this was especially sweet.
    Happy Anniversary - you done good! Of course it helps that you are both pretty awesome people!

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  20. I know exactly how you are feeling abut that 5 year mark. My two previous marriages both ended in the 7th year. I was crazy in the 7th year I was married to FabGrandpa, because I was so afraid that it would be over, and I could not imagine my life without him in it. We have made it to 16 years and counting.

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  21. Hope your all feeling better! Congrats on nearly five years together...that's wonderful.

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  22. You made me cry! Ok, maybe it's the whole pregnancy thing, but I think it's more that I sit in that seat - of self-doubt, and self-forgiveness and I count those same minutes and days. I am so happy for you both, it is beautiful to hear your heart continue to heal and grow. :)

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  23. I am so happy for you, sweet friend, what a comfort to know you're with your soulmate, comfy cozy and settled for life.

    {{hugs}}
    Steph

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  24. Congratulations on five years! What a lovely post about real life and love. Hope you all feel better soon!

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  25. I can't even find the words to describe how beautiful this post is! You should have asked me, I already knew all this!! I've known it for as long as I've known you. xoxo Julie

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  26. I really like how Steph put it, "comfy cozy and settled for life."

    When we make that decision, everything we go through together is a little easier. I make that decision often, it's not a one time thing for me. xoxo Julie

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  27. Great post. Big Daddy and I are approaching our anniversary as well- the big 17. It goes by so fast! Savor every moment!

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  28. What a great post. My own little world has seen a rash of divorces and nasty relationships lately, and I sometimes feel my DH and I are the only married people left who actually like each other. ;)

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  29. Happy anniversary... hope you are feeling well soon.

    Thanks for sharing all the ingredients it takes to make a relationship work... not easy!!

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  30. Your titles are the best part.
    Happy Early Anniversary!

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