I believe it'll come as no surprise to y'all that newbornhood and all of its trappings STRESS ME RIGHT OUT TO THE END OF MY TETHER. Probably does that to all mothers to a certain degree, it's just that my particular degree happens to be BOILING OVER AND SCORCHING ONTO THE BURNER.
But I do already have some STRESS MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES. In fact, I've spent my whole life practicing these techniques and lemme tell you, practice makes perfect, people.
Here's how I currently cope with stress in my life:
1) Lie on my bed (actually any horizontal surface will do, up to and including my desk at work back when I was gainfully employed) completely unresponsive to any/all stimuli, and shiver.
2) Hate everyone around me with the fury of a pit bull* who's just been given a rose-and-peony scented bubble bath in a pink claw-footed tub using a wise-crackin' cat** for a scrub brush and then gotten out of the tub to discover that same cat has tinkled on his Kibbles-n-Bits.
3) Google things. Mostly things directly related to the stress trigger but sometimes I just type in "AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!! Make it STOP!" or "This cannot be happening to me!" to see what'll come up. Sorta like a Google-ish Magic Eight-ball type of a thing.
and finally, my favorite
4) Stand at the kitchen island and eat. Everything. Yesterday Bean's little friend Bubba fell and smacked his forehead on the sidewalk in front of our house, and while they rushed the sweet boy to the emergency room (he's fine, thank God), I stood at my island and ate the rest of a box of garden herb croutons, half a bag of chili flavored Fritos, a Dagwood sandwich and a quarter of a cherry pie, all of which I washed down with a liter of Gatorade consumed directly out of the 2.5 liter jug. Bubba and his family were already back home, every inch of exposed skin on Bubba's body covered with CARS stickers, and standing on my front porch by the time I wiped my mouth on my sleeve and belched an "Okay what's next" belch that rattled every window in the neighborhood.
So. Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
Those methods really aren't all that healthy. Thus, wishing to to avoid getting to the point where I'd hafta employ any of 'em, I've carefully managed life - people, events and resources - in such ways that stress has rarely come a'knockin at my door.
'Course that's required a whole 'nother set of skills - my stress avoidance techniques - all of which can be summed up under two very effective, very simple main categories:
1) The Don't Bite Off Even Remotely As Much As I Can Chew Method
2) The Bury My Head and Most of the Rest of Myself in the Sand Method
Now it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that a woman with two smallish chiddren and a husband who's only content when he's burning the entire candle - both ends and everything in between plus whatever else he can find to douse with kerosene and set ablaze - isn't gonna be able to avoid stress, no matter how little she personally bites off or how far into the sand she burrows herself.
(The little people, they WILL find you. Kids LOVE to dig in the sand.)
And we've seen now that my stress management techniques are, well, not exactly family-friendly.
So I guess I'm gonna have to woman up and figure out some way to deal with your garden variety daily pressure and angst without having to lie down and quietly hate the world.
Anybody got a bag of Cheetos?
* To the pit bull owners out there, my apologies. I used pit bull for the sake of vibrant imagery only. I am certain your little Pookie Bear is just as sweet as the day is long. Just please don't
** I seriously don't recommend attempting this type of thing with a cat. I can't imagine it going well for you. I haven't personally ever TRIED to scrub a dog or anything else with a wet cat, wise-cracking or otherwise, but my considerable experience with felines (and water) leads me to believe you would almost certainly be seriously injured. And the dog, too. The cat itself would escape unscathed and you'd find it hours later, sitting damply in the middle of your new cashmere sweater licking its nether-regions. Cats pretty much always win. Just don't go there.