Wednesday, October 8, 2008

But I Won't Be Hidin' ANY of It Under the Mattress, So Don't Bother to Look There.

Hey! My subscriber numbers have gone up. I just noticed. Welcome y'all! Nice to have you.

As much as I would love to report otherwise, that porch up there is not any part of my home. But it's become my happy place, and lemme tell you, you can find me there A LOT lately. It IS pretty, isn't it? I'm trying to figure out how to decorate it for the holidays. Lemme know if you have any ideas.

So I paid three bills today and then went out to retrieve the mail and got 4 more. Apparently, in answer to the question about what I'm doing differently in this freaked out financial climate, is I'm giving out Al's hard-earned money to every Tom, Dick and Harry who asks for some. Mostly Doctors Tom, Dick and Harry, though. Having a baby is expensive, people.

Also, and this'll answer the question about my next decorating/home improvement project as well as the financial one - two birds, meet one stone - instead of finishing our basement at the end of this year (which is what we'd planned on doing before the entire economy saw a big old hairy mouse, screamed like a girl and climbed up on a chair in terror with its skirt wrapped up around its knees) to accomodate this boy-child who in the not-too-distant future's gonna be needin' somewhere to be staked up and allowed to run off his tiny little testosterone, we will be shovin' everything down there up into one corner or the other and rentin' a shop vac to clean up the dusty yuckiness leftover from construction, layin' down some of those squishy interlocking foam thingies on the floor and littering the whole area with some dump trucks and Lincoln Logs and miles of train tracks and what-have-you so Peabody can go down there and ignore every bit of it and spend his time turning the circuit breakers off and on and distributing the contents of Al's toolbox to the four corners of the world.

Just like any other red-blooded American boy would do in the same situation.

Also, I won't be gettin' a pedicure anytime soon and Al has informed me that I need to learn to love and embrace my P-Dawg cut because that pesky rodent is as close as I'ma get to a stylist again until the market does some serious recoverin'.

He also informed me quite excitedly that he understands there is a strong and lucrative market out there for (avert your eyes, men) breastmilk. I saw him out on the driveway later with my Medela up on blocks, tinkering away and muttering something about "much more suction, much faster pump action, dude" and the next time I turned that bad boy on it sucked up all my bathroom towels and a couple rooms worth of berber carpet.

Also, I've noticed that when we finish up a gallon of 2% lately, Al rinses out the jug and puts it up on my bathroom counter with a little Post-It stuck to the side that says, "Got Milk? Ahem?"

Lastly, I got myself signed up for BlogHer advertising, as you can see up there in the corner and I expect the checks to start rolling in any day now.

I'll be rich, I tell you. RICH!

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  1. That Al - Have I told you before that I think he's great? I love a man with a good sense of humor! Hope those checks come rolling in quickly. A woman can turn a mite cranky when her hair is in shambles!

  2. Let me know how that milk business turns out, OK?? Me, I'm just waitin on that Publisher clearing house check!!! or the ship to come in but its out there a long ways yet...

  3. Yeah, I noticed the ads yesterday! Yay for you! I got my first check a lil while ago and it made me smile because I had totally forgotten about the whole thing.

    And that other part is hilarious, Dairy Queen.

  4. We are getting so very close to having all the doctors paid in full from a 4 day stay in the hospital in 2005. I will be so glad to see all those bills off my list.

  5. I don't even want to think about the bill we had after my girls NICU was BAD! I was producing so much milk with the twins I considered donating some.

  6. Megan, have you considered a stand-up comedy gig to help subsidize the family income? Seriously, I'd pay to come see you talk about your motherhood "adventures" - you're so funny!!!

  7. He he he. I bought the family pizza with my first check. ;-)

  8. Very wise decision with the basement. No point in spending money on paint and carpet that would just be destroyed by little boy action anyway. If we could just live in a concrete bunker until my boys are 18, I'd be fine.

  9. I admit that I am pushing the amount of time between my hair and nail appointments (don't look at the gray - it has Medusa-like effects!) I am, however, using that little bit o'cash to "buy low". Dollar-cost averaging -it's a good thing! (I don't think I've ever heard Martha say THAT one!)

  10. Hat Chick, you is a wise, wise woman. Back in my financial consultant days, that's exactly what I'da advised you to do. Look at this as a big sale - a buying opportunity.

  11. Or as Al used to say (jokingly - he never said it to clients, I'm sure) DON'T FROWN, DOUBLE DOWN!

  12. Call Ben & Jerry's. PETA wants them to start making their ice cream with breast milk. That's a huge market. HUGE!

    (If there was EVER a milk jug on my bathroom counter with a post-in note such as you described, I would have an accident. That's hysterical.)

  13. Ok, so I'm new here, and I'm pretty much hooked after one entry. It's so nice to see that being "up north" has not robbed you of any of your Southern Charm.

    Or your dialect.

    (Also, it's nice to know that others will also be fussed at by their stylists, like I was yesterday, because their current financial situation has caused them to miss a couple of appointments.)

  14. I just added the ads myself and the playroom in the basement has bare concrete floors. Not as I imagined for sure.