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Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Top Ten Uses for Duct Tape in a Household with a Newborn

PhotobucketYa'll know I would NEVER, but still, it's fun to daydream on occasion.

1 - Tape Mama's eyelids open.




2 - Tape Baby's eyelids shut.

3 - Tape pacifier in Baby's mouth. If Baby must have pacifier to sleep, why won't Baby stop shootin' it outta mouth like a cheap plastic "cork" out of a bottle of cold duck?

4 - Tape blanket onto Baby, who requires no less than straight-jacket-tight swaddle for sleepage but can wrestle arms loose in 2.9 seconds flat and immediately go into hysterics because "MAMAAAAAAAAAAAA! HEWP! MY ARMS! DEY ARE MOVING AND I CANNOT MAKE DEM STOP!"

5 - Tape other household child(ren)'s mouth(s) shut when Baby finally falls into twitchy, nervous-looking sleep that probably won't last longer than it takes Mama to get down to the kitchen and hastily grab a spoon and a tub of Nutella.

6 - Tape other household child(ren) to wall to guarantee child(ren)'s continued quietude and safety as Baby miraculously sleeps through Mama's frenzied Nutellafest and Mama sets sights on first shower in three days.

7- Tape over doorbell. Stupid doorbell! No shower for Mama this time. Splattered Nutella stuck in Mama's hair will have to wait until the weekend.

8 - Tape waist and legholes of Baby's diaper. Mama's desperate, but even in desperation doesn't want THAT kind of shower.

9 - Tape over & Lights part of Sound & Lights baby monitors. & Lights often confused for Hellish Angry Red Lightening in parents' sleep-dazed heads at 2:30 AM. Scary nightmares!

10 - Tape mailbox shut. Hospital bills from Baby's birth making Mama and Daddy cry harder and sleep less than Baby.

(But he is, THEY are, worth every cent.)

Photobucket


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33 comments:

  1. Amen, amen, and amen!!!! That pic is just too cute. Glad to read you still have your sense of humor!

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  2. Hilarious! With our baby due January 9th, I'll be sure to take notes of this! :)

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  3. The kids are gorgeous! Great picture. As for Use #4, with our middle one we just wrapped her "blankie" (cloth diaper) around her face to hold the pacifier in place. Just kidding. Kind of.

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  4. Awwwwww....soooo cute!

    Here's hoping your babies take looooong naps today so you can get your Nutellafest on and a nice hot shower.

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  5. Lil' Eli thanks you for helping his momma give him a milkshake for his next meal!

    Girl, you make me laugh!!! (and #4 is oh, SO true!!!!!)

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  6. Aw, that's a good one!
    I've offered to pay Mookie good money to fall asleep/stop crying/stop pooping between diapers/etc...but she has yet to take me up on it. I'm gonna try the duct tape next.
    You know, duct tape comes in great colors, now, too!

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  7. I have the solution to the swaddling issue: http://www.cozycocoon.com/

    I PROMISE these things work like a charm. Stick those arms down in there and they ain't never comin' out. Or we bent our daughters and tucked her elbows in so she could suck her fist but keep her arms close to her body.

    Send me your mailing addy and I'd love to send you one as a baby present.

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  8. Deep down inside I know you're exaggerating about the chaos over at Fried Okra Manor. I know you've got you're stuff together and those of us who don't (ehem, yeah me right here) are envious.

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  9. Sorry, I got kind of sidetracked at the doorbell thing, and started a fantasy involving door-to-door salespeople, duct tape and a tree, or possible a railroad but don't tell anyone I said that.

    Your kids? Gor. Ge. Ous.

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  10. Hilarious! And I don't even have kids.

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  11. i may borrow numbers 5 and 6.
    the second the baby goes to sleep the others decide they MUST scream and yell and make tons of noise. grrrrrrrrrrrrr

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  12. That is the cutest picture ever! I can't even believe you would need duct tape for either of those gorgeous children.

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  13. Look at those precious monkeys! Loved this entry, so much fun! :)

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  14. Funny thing is ...my dad is known as the "McGiever of Ducktape"...glad it has it's uses for you too!

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  15. You are just too funny! Perhaps made funnier because I totally understand where you are coming from - I could have used that duct tape for use #2 at 4am this morning!

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  16. Great post. I heartily approve each use of duct tape.

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  17. have you seen the duct taped baby? google images will show you the pic...hilarious. and yet one more use...

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  18. I feel your pain. When our first child was about two weeks old and waking up every hour at night, one night Hubs rolled over and said groggily, "is it child abuse if we tape the duct tape in his mouth?" Didn't, of course, but when you're sleep-deprived, there are crazy thoughts. Hang in there...

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  19. Your children are absolutely beautiful!

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  20. Oh, mercy me I never would have thought of all those ways to use duct tape. But them thar chillin just the cutest, I don't think you should use the tape on them. Maybe try puttin it over your ears than you won't hear any noise like Cryin or the door bell etc..

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  21. Oh, this is so cute. :) I will remember these uses when I have another newborn! :) It really goes SO fast, though, although I KNOW it doesn't seem like it now!

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  22. A friend of mine told me about your blog a while back, so I have been a "silent reader" for a while. I recently started blogging as well...I just had to comment because the sleeper that your precious little boy is wearing is a favorite of mine! My littel boy has outgrown it, I zipped him up into it until he was just spilling out. I had to move on, but I still smile everytime I see it in the drawer!

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  24. I'm in the mood to watch an episode of McGyver with all this duct tape talk!

    You have two bee-autiful children, Meghan.

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  25. What? No duct tape in that picture?!

    ;)

    Jeanne

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  26. great post mama! :) thanks for the smiles....and the darling photo. made my day.

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  27. use #3,276: to hog-tie the househunter that rang my doorbell without an appointment today when I had JUST GOTTEN THE CHILD TO SLEEP after HOURS OF TRYING TO GET THE CHILD TO SLEEP.

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  28. So Cute- the two of them... and duck tape is not a man's tool anymore!

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  29. What a howlingly cute post, and what adorable children! I will be back!

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  30. Omg #3 was so dead on I was sure it was the best reason, and then I read #4. This could be your best post EVAH.

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Thoughts?