Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Bean Also Asked Me Today When We're Goin' Downtown to See The Serious Tower. I Do Love Me a Good Kid-ism..

Shhhhh! I have both kids down for naps AT THE SAME TIME. (Clicks heels.) I don't know how I did it. I will surely never do it again. But for the moment, I am CELEBRATIN'!



We have an ornery prairie dog with a vendetta living in one of our window wells. The day my sister and nephew arrived, they were out on the patio and happened to peer over the edge and down, and there, hangin' by his ittybitty little sharp claws from the screen, which he'd managed to rip/chew a hole in, was Mr. P.O.'d Prairie Dog. Or as Bean calls him, Mr. Prayer Dog. ('Cause when Daddy sees what that varmint has done to the screen, he ain't got a prayer. Or he better say his prayers. Y'all take your pick.)

I was upstairs feedin' the boy at the time, so I missed the initial excitement, but came downstairs to stoney silence and wondered aloud to Mr. Peabody, "Where'd everbody go?" (Mr. Peabody just stared at me with those big ol' stupified newborn eyes and issued forth a loud, rumbling burp. Apparently he dinna know where ever'body went, but they were not lodged anywhere along his digestive track, in case I was wondering.)

Moments later, I heard three sets of feet trippy trapping up the basement stairs, and the whole motley crew appeared, wearing eyes as wide as Mr. Peabody's along with mischievous, curious smiles. My sister was not aware of my history with prairie dogs, you see, so she had no idea the panic she was about to stir up in my soul.

"What were y'all doin' down there?" I queried.

"Lookin' at the prairie dog who is wreaking chewed-up havoc in your basement."


"Oh, he's not IN your basement, he's in the window well, and he's chewed up the screen, and now he's just hanging there, looking in. We saw his WHOLE BODY from down there."

Just hanging there, lookin' in. Waitin'.

See, he's furious at me. This is the same prairie dog that spent the summer last year sittin' out in the back yard glarin' in the windows at me with beady little hate-filled eyes and shouting, "Eeeeee chicka chicka chicka!!!" which I believe means "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die," in prairie dog-ese, on accounta I'd hired some guys that spring to pour a patio that just happened to cover up not one but BOTH holes into his family's deluxe apartment under the back stoop.

Never mind that I took my then two-and-a-half year old kid out on that same patio every afternoon for three months with a bowl full of her own special homemade trail mix (aka Purina Prairie Dog Chow) which consisted of White Cheddar Cheez-Its, raisins, and roasted whole cashews. Which she often entirely fore-went eatin' and instead would scatter, plant, bury and/or hide in small, prairie-dog single-serving-sized piles all over the back yard. That prairie dog ate high on the hog last summer, folks. He may have been grievin' the loss of his family, but he had the prairie dog equivalent of several hams, ginormous tubs of homemade potato and macaroni salad, a fresh coconut cake, a pan of blondies, a blueberry Jello mold and a couple gallons of sweet tea to comfort him as he mourned.

A spread like that shoulda inclined him a little more toward forgiveness, dontcha think? But no. He bore that grudge and expressed it adamantly all summer long, with his evil stares and his chicka chicka chickas. The subsequent long winter months of hibernation only served to deepen his loathing and hatred because here he is again, this time closer to my house and now actually makin' as if to find a way INSIDE.

And I am more than a tad bit frightened by his freakish prairie dog tenacity, I am not afraid to admit to y'all.

A prairie dog with a 15-month grudge, I imagine, is a force with which to be reckoned. I can only hope Al gets him before HE gets me.

Chicka chicka chicka!

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  1. So glad you pulled off dueling naps today, you go, chica chica chica! Love your Princess Bride reference, as usual you have me rollin' in my seat over here.


  2. I'm dying over here! How do you write this great stuff, while taking care of a newborn? I'm impressed. Be sure you give us an update or part 2 of "the Prairie Dog with a grudge" or "Al vs Prairie Dog"!

  3. Chicka chicka chicka indeed. I always thought they were kind of cute. Though maybe not so cute inside as outside. :)

  4. Dueling naps...such a wonderful thing.

    Prairie dogs scare me. They are just plain creepy things. Hope Al gets him...

  5. I LOVE YOU MEGAN! I really really do....and so envy your colorful writing style. I talk like you write, but cant' for the life of me write like I talk. LOL what? don't worry what I just wrote doesn't even make sense to me.

  6. Like Al said, "Ten bags of Quikrete poured down the window well ought to fix Mr. Prairie Dog. It'll be the tomb of the unknown prairie dog."

  7. We have a prairie dog (ground hog) living under our shed. We think it is cute to look at....from a far. Not sure I would be too pleased with it hanging from my window well =S Good luck with that.....

  8. Love the line about the burping. Classic. I have a thing against chickens, so I totally understand this. And chickens aren't fond of me either.

  9. Your writing is AMAZING! I am in awe of your talent. You have a three yo (?) and a newborn and are still able to write! You are my new hero.

  10. Watch out! The kids napped at the same time, and the muse played you a visit. This is classic. The visual of a prairie dog with a grudge is hysterical. And frightening beyond words. Let Al do what Al needs to do.

  11. Why are you not ASLEEP while the kids are down for naps? It's the ultimate dilemma, isn't it? To get busy - or take a siesta. No matter what you do, you end up thinking you had done the other.

    But bloggin' is good, too. :)

  12. Ooooh go take yourself a yummy nap!

  13. We had a ground hog trapped in our celler once. He tore that place up- then we let our Lab loose in the celler. Woo Hoo, talk about some noise. We finally got him trapped in a trash can and let him loose outside- keeping the Lab in the house until the ground hog made a safe escape

  14. I remember taking a picture in the early days when both kiddos fell asleep at the same time. I was so excited.

  15. Stories like this are the reason I love you so much. You even worked in a quote from The Princess Bride! My morning is looking much better.

  16. Dueling naps sounds almost combative, if I din't know better!

    As for the prayer dawg...might he be begging for more snacks at your winders?

    Keep writing, I totally heart your style!!

  17. Oy. Prairie dogs are pests where I live (Colorado Springs)- they actually fumigate the burrows to get rid of them..... I've never been in close proximity to one, but I imagine I might feel the same way you do about them.

    Also, I LOVE your reference to The Princess Bride - my all-time favorite movie!!

  18. Squirrels kind of bother me too--never know where they're going to go next. Kind of unpredictable.

  19. Hahahaha!! Love the Princess bride line & your 'chicka chicka chicka' reminded me of the old 'doobie, doobie-do' psyco penguin commercial. Just think if those two put their heads together, yikes!
    I must say though, I would love to see a prarie dog up close - I'm a big critter lover y'know. But if ya start talkin about an opossum? Keep those things away from me - overgrown rats with pink eyes - ewww!

    Tell Bean I wanna see the serious tower too :)

  20. Only YOU can tie a prairie dog to The Princess Bride. David and I are laughing hysterically here!

  21. You are hysterical. How is it I've never read your blog before? I don't even know what a prairie dog is.

    Love the princess bride line.
    Love the burping line.

    I'll be back. :) I need some laughing like this.