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Wednesday, August 6, 2008

And all that happened before I even got into the exam room, people.

Nana has arrived, Thank You, LORD and amen. I'd tell you all about how relieved and happy I feel about that except that every time I try, I fall over face-first on my keyboard, awash in tears of joy and thanksgiving. And that is hardly any exaggeration at all.

Y'all know what I hope? I hope someday I get to be MY daughter's salvation the way my Mom has been to me the past 24 hours.

Seriously. That there is some good mothering. The kinda motherin' that walks purposefully through the front door and immediately flows into every room, making that which has felt ominous or impossible seem perfectly bearable and doable again. Miraculous.

Had a visit with my OB today. Everything was goin' along just fine until it was time for my requisite (and highly-anticipated, I might add, as I had been sucking down water and Gatorade by the quart for 2 hours prior) appointment with the plastic-cup-behind-the-little-metal-door, whereupon I placed myself ever so delicately down onto the appropriate, um, vehicle, and immediately began panicking as the, uh, journey, shall we say, began against my will. Before I'd had time to properly arrange myself and the proper receptacle.

Well, I was unable to stop or even slow things down at all and found myself frantically juggling plastic cup, green Sharpie pen and Sharpie pen lid, hastening to get things into place before the moment was lost, when PLOOP, the Sharpie slipped out of my grasping, desperate hand and into ... DAH DAH DAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

The Potty.

OHMYGRANNY! I wheezed under my breath.

In one awkward yet synchronized motion, I managed to retrieve the pen, slam on its lid, get the cup where it needed to be and complete the mission as assigned, all the while thinking with no small measure of consternation and/or humiliation:

I dropped the PEN into the POTTY!

WITHOUT ITS LID ON!

I can't just put it back in the basket with the cups for the next unsuspecting person who comes along!

What'll I do now?


Well, what would y'all have done?

Yeah. I thought so.

That's not what I did though. Because that would have been too easy. Not humiliating enough. In short, completely unMeganlike.

Here's what I did.

I scrunched the pen way down into the garbage can, under some paper towels. I re-robed myself and washed my hands until they were raw. I collected my purse and my water bottle and I carefully wiped the water up from around the sink.

And then I stepped out of that restroom and and I faced the music.

"I... er... um... er... I... uh." I whispered to the waiting nurse. "I dropped the pen into the potty. (Embarrassed, pained smile.) So I thought it best to just throw the pen away. Hopefully you have another pen you can put in there?"

"YOU MEAN THE PEN YOU USE TO WRITE YOUR NAME ON THE SPECIMEN CUP? YOU DROPPED THAT ONE IN THE TOILET?"

Nod. (OHMYGRANNY.)

Sigh.



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20 comments:

  1. As funny as that is, I'm still trying to figure out how there was any space down there in which to drop said pen. You're talented. Or I'm just rilly, rilly fat. Or both could be the case. :)

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  2. Oh, I know that nurse, I think she used to work at my Doctors Office!

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  3. Ooh that is just TOO funny (and I can imagine every second of it!) And just how red was your face?!?

    Glad that Nana is there to give you a breather. You just gotta love Moms - I don't know what I would have done (or still do) without Mama Phyl. Give her a big SpearBerry hug from me :-)

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  4. That's quite a story and funny!

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  5. On behalf of the other patients of the world, I thank you for throwing the pen away rather than letting a cheap office manager stick it back in the basket.

    Well done.

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  6. You win the award for the agility course with those moves. I could never have scooped the pen out of the potty and gotten the cup in place in time even when I'm not pregnant.

    I love my OB right now because at the end of each appointment they gave me a new urine sample tube allowing me to do that job at home right before heading in for my appointment. No little cup. No metal door. And no pen to drop in the potty.

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  7. I can't stop laughing long enough to leave an intelligent comment.

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  8. Stuff happens. and happend and why are we in monsoon season all thie time? Hugs and Blessings, Mike G.said that!

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  9. ..."The kinda motherin' that walks purposefully through the front door and immediately flows into every room, making that which has felt ominous or impossible seem perfectly bearable and doable again."

    God I miss my Mom. You could not have captured the essence of mothering any better, Megan. Beautiful.

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  10. Just read it to my sister and started crying again. Powerful words.

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  11. Your just lucky that nurse didn't ball you out for sacrificing such a good pen, not to mention how much it probably cost and all.
    The part about your Mom is awesome, so glad she is there for you. (( Hugs)))

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  12. I can't believe you got the pen out of the potty-- I think I would have left it!

    I hope your little peanut comes ASAP now that nana's here!

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  13. Yeah, I would have done the exact same thing.

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  14. To funny! I think we all have done that at some point. I dropped the cup once...that was fun to explain.

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  15. I cried. I laughed. Then I laughed so hard I cried. I love you! xoxo

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  16. Hilarious and sad for you all at the same time! :) Now, whenever I go into my OB's office to deliver the "requisite plastic cup", I'm gonna think of you and smile. Hope today is the day for little Peanut to arrive!!

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  17. OMG. That's hilarious!! I probably would have done the same thing!

    Emily

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  18. You're a better woman than I am. I'm pretty sure I would have left it there.

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Thoughts?