Monday, July 21, 2008

Now That'll Really Take You Down a Peg

Saturday I made my customary trip into the Walgreen's while the family waited in the car. I'd artfully arranged to go in by myself 'cause I knew that due to the nature of the purchases I sought to perpetrate, I did NOT need The Town Crier in tow.

Thanks to Heather's sweet and ever-so-logical comment on my post Friday, I was goin' in that store to make the single most mortifyin' purchase of my adult life, to date, (and y'all KNOW I'm prone to mortifyin' myself, so that's really sayin' sump'm.):

I learned something the other day that I wish I had known when my three babes were born. When you are packing your hospital bag, throw in a package of adult "diapers" like D-p-nds. They will be much more comfortable than the monster pads they give you after delivery at the hospital and your jammies will stay nice and clean and dry!! They are also fantastic if your water happens to break at home so you stay dry on the drive there! Many blessings to you and your family!
Well, I did SAY mortifyin', didn't I?

After I had turned, red, then purple, then several shades of plaid with embarrassment at the notion, I recollected the twenty-four to forty-eight hours immediately followin' Bean's birth, and you know what? Heather's advice makes tee-total sense. So much sense that as much as I wanted to turn a deaf ear and go on like the words'd never even been written, I just could not.

Also mortifyin' is the fact that, as I wrote over at 5 Minutes for Parenting today (hint, hint),

"...certain parts of my anatomy previously happy to reside in their rightful and respective places on the inside of me have recently made for the nearest exits and taken up residence on the outside of me, where they seem as awkward and uncomfortable as Opie Cunningham at a Hell's Angels rally."

I didn't go into further detail there, but I will allow here to y'all, my reg'lar readers, that in addition to the D-p-nds, my shopping list included a little alphabetical wonder from the 'H' family.

That's right. Your old pal FriedOkra marched herself into Walgreen's two days ago and purchased, for all the world and her across-the-street neighbor to see (because you cannot make such a purchase covertly. If I'd been buyin' a gallon of two-percent and a package of lightbulbs I wouldna seen anybody I knew, but because of the humiliation potential, y'all know I had to run into someone I'ma see every day until eternity right here in the 'hood, you know?):

One 18-pack of size S/M store brand UltraThin Disposable Adult Underpants

- AND -

One giant econo-sized box of generic hemorrhoidal suppositories


You can only IMAGINE how sexy Al found this particular combination of purchases, and how difficult a time he has had keepin' his hands off me for the rest of this weekend.

OHMYGRANNY! He's like a TEENAGER again!

And how many curious and astounded questions I've heard from Bean, who even today is still reminding me, Mama, diapers are for BABIES!

Do not let me run across a single one of you sayin' FriedOkra doesn't keep it rilly-rilly real on her blog.

Hee hee hee hee. BUUUUUUUUUUT seriously, folks.

It got me to thinkin'.

I bet y'all all have good advice to share. Stuff about labor, birth, hospital stays, ittybitty babies and such. Even if you're not Mom, or even a woman! (Oh, I have just opened myself up for some interesting stuff, have I not?) You prob'ly STILL have a little nugget of wisdom to share about this whole deal.

Don't you?

And I am CLEARLY open to just about any advice, as you have witnessed here today.

(Heather, you KNOW I am just playin' around here, right? I will likely be singing your praises come post-birth hour three. You'll be a folk hero in these parts!)

So let's start out the week with a little give and take. You give me advice in the comments, and I'll take it.

Well, probably.


As long it doesn't mean I have to make another trip to Walgreen's anytime soon.

Because I just don't think I can face 'em again right now.

One, two, three GO!

Y'all can subscribe to FriedOkra's feed right here.


  1. For sore after-birth "parts", soak one o' them there hugemongous pads (not the Depends, but an actual PAD) with some witch hazel, stick it in the freezer, and apply...even on top o' the ol' Depends. Sweet relief! ;)

    Sure was a help after birthin a 9.5 pounder!

  2. Buy some arnica oil at a health food store. Tell Al his sole job is to make sure the Dr. gets it when you start pushing. (Probably tell the doc you want him to use it beforehand, too.) Then have the doc apply it as the "lube" to get the baby out, instead of the baby soap they use, which is drying and not really effective. Arnica keeps swelling and bruising to a minimum and might even prevent tearing as bad.
    Can't wait to read more. I need the reminders and the hints, too!

  3. I'm sorry - I'm laughing too hard right now to be able to think of any advice!

  4. The thing I remember after delivering my little boy is this: I showered, put on makeup and slipped into my pressed cotton jammies as soon as humanly possible after the delivery. It made me feel pretty, put-together, in control (and it was the last thing I would be able to do for myself for a long time). My little girl was turning three and I didn't know how I was going to be able to love this new little person as much as I loved her. Eight years later, he gives me joy I could never have imagined.

  5. Oh, poor you!
    You need some witch hazel. After... uh... your business, you proceed as normally and then put a bit of witch hazel on some tp and apply gently to the affected area. But nowhere else, dude. That should help a lot, too.

  6. It has been so long since I birthed my babies that they have come up with all kinds of cool stuff to make things easier! Back in my day we had to hold those hugermongous pads with those lovely elastic strap situations!!!

    Don't know if you had any colic issues with Bean but if you do with Peanut you might want to have Al ready to head to Walgreen's for baby Mylicon (I think that is how it is spelled). It worked wonders with my first. Another more natural option is a drop of peppermint oil in a couple of ounces of water in a bottle. It really soothes their tummies. That was the only bottle my first one ever took and really we just let it drip on her tongue. DO NOT GIVE THE BABY THE PEPPERMINT OIL STRAIGHT OR IT WILL BURN THEIR LITTLE TONGUE!!!

  7. My best advice is to get someone to keep the Bean and bring your baby home all by yourself the first night. I just loved having my baby all to myself the first night home.

  8. Oh I'll keep it real right with you.

    I lived in a sitz bath after each of my kids were born.

    I've driven to other towns to buy the same things mentioned in your post for pre-birth, post-birth help.

    They once had to do a price check. I wanted to die.

    I agree about the witch hazel. Also, I bought 2 cute but highly washable pairs of pajamas to take with me. I could look cute while I was recovering. It made me feel better. Treat yourself to some new makeup, perfume, earrings. Whatever helps you feel beautiful. I might have been sitting in a hospital bed with my Depends, but I looked cute, by Gosh!

  9. I agree with mamabeck about the witch-hazel pads. When I had my eldest, the hospital gave me a huge pack of pre-soaked discs that I layered on the widest dang pad I could find. It felt so ding dang good, if you could even possibly say

    My second piece of advice (and we already discussed this one) is to stay in the hospital as long as they'll let you. Don't rush home - enjoy the time you have where they are taking care of you. :)

    Oh and on that note? If you're planning on breast feeding - tell those stinkin' nursery nurses (just kiddin' - I loved our nursery RN's and LVN's) NOT to give your newborn any sugar water or bottle of any kind. Bring him to you to eat. It might mean a little less sleep in the hospital for you, but for pete's sake, it is worth it in the long run - don't want him gettin' attached to the bottle instead of your nipple.

    Can I say nipple on your blog? Nipple. There, I said it again.

    Feel free to delete this. I'm sorry, Fried Okra's mom and dad!

  10. At the hospital where I had my first two boys, they wet and froze baby diapers. I'm sure you could do the same thing with depends and I have to say right after the birth... Ice is Nice!!!

    The biggest shift from the first to the second for me was that it was so much harder to get rest because of having other children with needs of their own, by my fourth baby near impossible. Make sure to build in rest for yourself, I really think it helps with the overwhelming feelings and baby blues to get sleep and downtime!!! Reality exists, of course :)! I'm so excited for you. Hope it will be an excellent birth.

    My second birth happened in about 20 minutes, we checked in at 7:05 PM and he was born at 7:31 PM! By 8:30, I had nursed him, he was getting settled, and I was asking What's for dinner?!!

  11. I heartily agree with the witch hazel pads. Line them up like little sentries in the disposable underwear of your choice, and let them sooth the parts of your body which will be VERY indignant with you after birth.

    My new advice is for nursing moms. I love nursing, but the first few weeks are my definition of hell -- cracking, bleeding, torturous hell.

    I mentioned this to my nurse before we left the hospital with Teyla in January. And she brought me a product that doctors use to treat burn victims -- NuSkin, I think it's called. It's like a thin piece of finger Jell-O, always cool to the touch. You just cut a small square, place it over your "niffle" (nod to "Friends" there) in your nursing bra and hell is magically changed to heaven. Until the baby needs to nurse again.

    E-mail me if you want more info. That stuff seriously made me happy every day the first few weeks. So much better than Lanolin, which I previously adored.

  12. Just in case they admit you and then you have to hang out a while before Peanut appears, I suggest having a puzzle book and a notebook. I was doing sudoku's when Mookie "knocked on the door" and I have notes about the feelings on my sudoku pages! :o)
    The nurse gave me some witch hazel pads as well as a can of Dermoplast. Ooh, refreshing!

  13. Around the time Sean was two and a half years old, it was no longer physically possible for me to be embarrassed. I had used up my lifetime allotment.

  14. It's been SOOOO long since Reece was born, but I still have some of the "magic spray" that they gave me in the hospital. The nurses had a special concotion that they "prescribed" to go on the jumbo pads that I wore after he was born. I remember using Tucks medicated pads (Witch Hazel, by the way), something else that I can't remember, and Dermoplast spray. I had to line the pad with the tucks pads, add the other ingredient, then top with a heaping helping of the Dermoplast. I even called the hospital once I was home asking for more spray. Come to find out that you can get it in W@lmart or your local drug store.

    I call it "magic spray" because that's what I put on the kids' boo boos now. And "Magic Spray" sounds way better than "Dermoplast", don'cha think??. Anyway, it is like Bactine and Bandaids were in my skinned-knee years - MAGIC!! It is an anti-bacterial and pain reliever all in one. The pain reliever part is what was so helpful on the episiotomy!!!

    Hope that helps!


  15. Please pass those depends, I laughed so hard I soiled myself! But it really sounds like a great idea.

  16. I agree with Marie. Dermaplast spray is magical.

  17. If, by chance, you have to have a C-Section, get out of the bed as often as you can. It is excruciatingly painful, but you'll be better off in the long run.

    Best wishes!

  18. I agree with Karen, definitely stay in the hospital as long as you can! I'm sure that is even more important the second time around.
    I would recommend bringing a micro-sterilizer bag with you if there is anything you want to clean while you're there. (Medela and munchkin both make them, you know the kind I mean?) There were lots of things that I wanted to make SURE were clean between uses, pacifiers, pump parts and nipple shields.

    If you're going to nurse, don't get discouraged! If you have trouble, make sure to ask for help from lots of different nurses and lactation consultants. I had some LC's telling me that Sweetpea would never latch correctly if she needed a shield more than 2 days...she used the shield 6 weeks and has been nursing like a champ without it for over a year now.

    If you're bottle feeding, consider bringing some bottles with you - the disposable bottles I got at the hospital to pump into were fast flow, and everytime we used them Sweetpea threw up. If you want to do bottle and breastfeeding, I swear by the breastflow bottles the first few months. We never had a problem with nipple confusion using them.

    One last thing, that you probably know, but just in case - make sure to get all the freebies you can while you're there! At our hospital everything in the bassinette was ours to take, we were given a pump accessory kit and 2 diaper bags with samples in them, one from Similac and one from Enfamil.

    Hang in there, and take care!

  19. I don't have any advice for ya! I should, though, since I have 4 kids, but I can't think of anything worthwile! I just wanted to say I wish I would have known about the depends trick after ALL of my babies!

  20. Didn't you know it's a man's job to buy all embarrassing products for his wife?

    It's only fair. You suffer the H's; he suffers the shopping.

    It's only fair.

    just kiddin. sorta.

  21. I believe you just made my, my week!! I feel like a celebrity on the Fried Okra blog!!

  22. Oh that depends idea is PRICELESS and I wish I'da thought of it when my kiddos were born!
    My advise is to bring with you high fiber snacks & eat a lot of em with a lot of water. And if you tend to get um, blocked up after birth, bring some Mirilax (or metamucil) with you. When the twins were born I asked for some & it was like pulling teeth to get it. I very much needed it & without it my problems of the dreaded H might have been much worse.
    Oh and...
    Loved this post - literally loling here!!

  23. Okay, that adult diaper idea is GREAT. When I have another baby, I'm DEFINITELY trying it. You are so funny & so open - thanks for sharing!!! :) As far as the H goes, I never had one in my life until after I spent 2 hours pushing my little man out! And I have no tips for those. Just ouch. I guess I appreciated the Dermoplast, as others have said, and also they had some ice pack pad thingies to put down there, which felt great right away, but as they melted & warmed up, they got kind of annoying. And then you have to get UP again... And stool softeners- they gave them to me in the hospital & that helped a LOT. So I bought some more & took them for like 2 weeks at home.

  24. Waaay back when I had my babies they didn't them thar big briefs for the Momma. But I was convinced that I lost my liver at one point, shortly after the birth of my first child. Sure nuff, I could have used one of those adults diapers. Good plan Megan.

  25. First it okay that I don't like Laura@Storytellin' Mama? 20 minutes? NOT FAIR at all! 34 1/2 hours here. Oh My Word!

    Anyway...witch hazel was my best friend, along with a squeeze bottle. Not a spray, but squeeze. Direct line to those dirty crusted areas. Heaven!

    Shower right away, and get in the most comfy pj's you can find. This will help you feel oh so much better!

    The depends idea is the greatest ever! I am telling my friends when I am done. They will laugh, but I know they will do it!

  26. Everyone's comments are pretty much on target with what I was going to say. I do have one little tip, if you're going to breastfeed the baby, my sis-in-law recommended Lansinoh Breast Creme (you can get it at Target). It's a lifesaver!

  27. Girl, go get yourself some Dermaplast spray from Walgreens. I went through about three cans post-partum and it was worth every penny.

  28. Go back to Walgreens, or CVS and get those $12 n_pple covers pad thingys. They are worth their weight in GOLD! They are by Lanosin, or something like that. I know, I'm so clear on the details. I usually find them on the bottom row with the other n_pple stuff. Just keepin' it real.

    Oh, and if you don't have a c-section (God willing) get out of that hospital ASAP! There's nothing like your own bed.

    And don't worry, you'll be back in your jeans before you know it.

  29. My advice would be to let Al go get all the embarrassing stuff. When I was pregnant and needed anything that would make the cashier go 'hmmm' I sent him. I figured it was the least he could do while I was carrying his little beasty inside of me. :)

  30. My midwife suggested that I fill regular overnight pads with water and freeze them, which was wonderful during the first week. Before I came home, they gave me a baby diaper with the end ripped open and filled with crushed ice. During those first few hours, it was

  31. The best advice I stumbled upon was to get out of that hospital gown as fast as humanly possible after birth. I felt "sick" the whole time with my son until I changed two days later in time to go home. With both of my girls I got smart and brought my own clothes and changed as soon as I could. I felt WORLDS better and was even ready to face the visiting masses.

  32. After my last two babies, my hospital had upgraded to these giant pads that had those cooling gel crystal things inside. I just took the pad, gave it a twist and treated my nether regions to some sweet ice pack action.

    If/when Bean comes to see you and Peanut in the hospital, make sure of two things:
    1. Fluff yourself up a little before she gets there. Nothing fancy, just enough for her not to be worried about you (I know from whence I speak!)

    2. Don't be holding Peanut when she walks in. I know it sounds odd, but with all of my little chicks, I made sure that I had wide open arms for the big sibs when they came. The baby won't know any different, but you can bet that the big ones like a good Mama squeeze before they start to check out the new family member. They just need a "Station Identification"

    It will be lovely, I know it. Good luck and God bless!

  33. It's clear I will get nothing done today outside of making my backside bigger from sitting on it so long.

    I have no advice to add, I'm much too late for this party. The picture of you in Walgreens with your "unmentionable" purchases? Bettah than all the MasterCard commercials strung together--priceless!


  34. I sent my hubs in for the d-pends. I get the discomfort. He gets the embarrassment. We're even. I like the witch hazel idea. My nurse split a paper diaper at one end, got it wet and stuffed it with ice cubes. That was pretty good.