Thanks to Heather's sweet and ever-so-logical comment on my post Friday, I was goin' in that store to make the single most mortifyin' purchase of my adult life, to date, (and y'all KNOW I'm prone to mortifyin' myself, so that's really sayin' sump'm.):
I learned something the other day that I wish I had known when my three babes were born. When you are packing your hospital bag, throw in a package of adult "diapers" like D-p-nds. They will be much more comfortable than the monster pads they give you after delivery at the hospital and your jammies will stay nice and clean and dry!! They are also fantastic if your water happens to break at home so you stay dry on the drive there! Many blessings to you and your family!Well, I did SAY mortifyin', didn't I?
After I had turned, red, then purple, then several shades of plaid with embarrassment at the notion, I recollected the twenty-four to forty-eight hours immediately followin' Bean's birth, and you know what? Heather's advice makes tee-total sense. So much sense that as much as I wanted to turn a deaf ear and go on like the words'd never even been written, I just could not.
Also mortifyin' is the fact that, as I wrote over at 5 Minutes for Parenting today (hint, hint),
"...certain parts of my anatomy previously happy to reside in their rightful and respective places on the inside of me have recently made for the nearest exits and taken up residence on the outside of me, where they seem as awkward and uncomfortable as Opie Cunningham at a Hell's Angels rally."
I didn't go into further detail there, but I will allow here to y'all, my reg'lar readers, that in addition to the D-p-nds, my shopping list included a little alphabetical wonder from the 'H' family.
That's right. Your old pal FriedOkra marched herself into Walgreen's two days ago and purchased, for all the world and her across-the-street neighbor to see (because you cannot make such a purchase covertly. If I'd been buyin' a gallon of two-percent and a package of lightbulbs I wouldna seen anybody I knew, but because of the humiliation potential, y'all know I had to run into someone I'ma see every day until eternity right here in the 'hood, you know?):
One 18-pack of size S/M store brand UltraThin Disposable Adult Underpants
- AND -
One giant econo-sized box of generic hemorrhoidal suppositories
You can only IMAGINE how sexy Al found this particular combination of purchases, and how difficult a time he has had keepin' his hands off me for the rest of this weekend.
OHMYGRANNY! He's like a TEENAGER again!
And how many curious and astounded questions I've heard from Bean, who even today is still reminding me, Mama, diapers are for BABIES!
Do not let me run across a single one of you sayin' FriedOkra doesn't keep it rilly-rilly real on her blog.
Hee hee hee hee. BUUUUUUUUUUT seriously, folks.
It got me to thinkin'.
I bet y'all all have good advice to share. Stuff about labor, birth, hospital stays, ittybitty babies and such. Even if you're not Mom, or even a woman! (Oh, I have just opened myself up for some interesting stuff, have I not?) You prob'ly STILL have a little nugget of wisdom to share about this whole deal.
And I am CLEARLY open to just about any advice, as you have witnessed here today.
(Heather, you KNOW I am just playin' around here, right? I will likely be singing your praises come post-birth hour three. You'll be a folk hero in these parts!)
So let's start out the week with a little give and take. You give me advice in the comments, and I'll take it.
As long it doesn't mean I have to make another trip to Walgreen's anytime soon.
Because I just don't think I can face 'em again right now.
One, two, three GO!