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Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Zen Meets Feng-Shui on the Golf Course. And I'm Apparently Grandma's Monster Antique Sideboard

A few of the neighborhood ladies started our four-session golf clinic with the pro at our local course last night, yours truly included.

(I bet said pro is still shaking his head in disbelief, by the way.)

(You should have been there to catch the look on his face when I half-waddled, half-galumphed into the pro-shop with my clubs, huffing and puffing, stuffed into my neon green polo shirt like a sweaty little sausage, and he realized - This is one of my STUDENTS!)

Have you ever tried to swing a golf club with a watermelon strapped to your belly and the girls all up under your armpits?

Awkward, to say the least.

I was practically lyin' flat on my face out there on the soggy turf, y'all, tryin' to get myself far enough back from the ball that my arms didn't come to a shuddering full stop mid-swing, hung up on the protuberance of my mid-section. No doubt I was a sight to behold -- bump stuck out front, bummy stuck out back, bouncing around in my knees like my Grandaddy Clover always did, and taught me to do, back when I was fourteen and found myself under his jovial but exacting tutelage in my first few forays onto a golf course. Gotta bounce til you just FEEL right in your stance.

Or until your adjusted and precarious center of gravity causes you to slump over face-first into your mud-caked, splintering tee.

You know, whichever comes first.

Zen and the Art of the Five Iron.

But OHMYGRANNY, did we have the fun. And the laughs. And! We actually made contact with a few golf balls, too. With our CLUBS.

And then we all went out for greasy fried food and fruity drinks with umbrellas.

A perfectly blissful evening, in my book.

Y'all play golf?

14 comments:

  1. Please, can you get someone to take a picture of pregnant you swinging the golf club? That's just perfect blog fodder.

    I wanted to play golf. Even took it as a class during college. Got as far as learning to putt before I dropped it. One of my computer classes had a group project. The team I got stuck with could only meet at 7:30 AM or 11 PM on Friday night.

    But if I dropped golf we could meet at 1:30 PM on Wednesdays. I filled out the papers in record time. At least I've got a pretty mean miniature golf game going on. ;)

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  2. Too funny!! I'll have to read this post to my hubs since he is a golf pro. He will get a kick out of it. He tried to give me lessons years ago, but that didn't really work out that well for us. I don't think it's the best idea to have your husband teach you golf- especially if that is what he does for a living:) I only play occasionally, but I love to play with a group of girls with some drinks and have a ton of laughs!!!

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  3. Nice visual image there. Thanks for the giggle.

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  4. Don't let her fool you everyone! She did a darn good job out there yesterday--for being pregnant or not!! Looking forward to next week.

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  5. I do enjoy golf, but I very rarely get to play. But I did go ten pin blowing the other night. And I think my pregnant belly adjusted my stance enough that I actually bowled straight for a change. Only one or two gutter balls the whole time, which is quite an achievement for me!!!

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  6. I bet that golf pro had the most fun he's ever had in his career! He's probably hoping you all come back soon!

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  7. I want to see whats on his blog! :)

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  8. You are just to funny, I think you should have been a stand up comedian... Pictures of that would be good...

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  9. My goodness! I love golf (even with my terrible scores) - but I never even thought of playing when I had a watermelon strapped to my tummy. I was one of those "poor me I can't do anything" kinda women.

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  10. I'm with T, we need to see pictures of this. My hubby loves golf. I enjoy driving the cart.

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  11. haven't tried the golfing yet. My hubby wants to get me into it.

    I say if it involves greasy fried food and fruity umbrella toting drinks...count me IN!

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  12. Golf is devine, specially if you think of it as investment in your golden years spent with your honey. It is something we do together; though I highly recommend the path you are taking, learn with your girlfriends, play with husband once you get the hang of it. And don't underestimate the prego belly and golf. Such a wide arc of reach usually results in a nice straight line to your projected ball. Enjoy!

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  13. Gosh, I can't even use pregnancy as my excuse, but you just described me trying to golf! to the tee. {har. couldn't resist a little golf humor}

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Thoughts?