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Saturday, June 7, 2008

Jed Bartlet, Johnny Nash and Jell-O® Salad - It Really IS Gonna Be a Bright, Bright Sunshiney Day!

Susan, who is my heroine this morning for providing me some light-hearted blog fodder I can work on while I'm still giddy from the paint fumes, asked me some fun stuff!

Boxers or briefs?

Seriously, y'all. One of my work friends who was pregnant about (I can't believe it's been this long) SIX years ago let me in on a little secret.

Men's underpants?

ARE MADE TO BE COMFORTABLE.

Wha? Are you KIDDING ME?

Yeah, no -- seriously. In fact (have you looked at men's underwear? They certainly aren't made to be aesthetically pleasing), I would say comfort may very well be NUMBER ONE on the list of design elements for men's underpants. Durability, it would appear, falls way down low on that same list, judging by how quickly they go from new to shabby, but I won't embarrass my husband by providing an in-depth report on how I came to that particular conclusion.

What I WILL tell you's that this particular friend of mine shared with me at the time that during the latter stages of pregnancy she frequently ditched her own undies and wore her husband's all-cotton boxer briefs, and that their construction and softness made them perfect for the shape of a woman reaching the pinnacle of late-stage gestation. Oh yes. And she was right. And there's been wrastlin' betwixt Al and me on the carpet in front of his underpants drawer lately, and I've won every time, such is my determination to at-the-very-least SLEEP in the luxury of expanded bump-and-bum capacity and the absence of elastic anything.

Do you follow politics?

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Oh yes, very closely. And in my opinion, the best president this country ever had, by a vast, wide margin, was President Josiah Edward Bartlet.


What's your biggest regret?

Waitaminute! How'd THAT get into this lighthearted mix?

I'm not much of a regretter, frankly. At this stage in my life, I can see pretty clearly that the mistakes I've made and their subsequent painful, or merely inconvenient, fall-out have served as valuable lessons for me and also for the other poor saps who suffer the benefit of my wise-and-not-always-solicited counsel. I pity my kids already for the hours they're gonna spend listening to the meandering tales of failure and redemption I'll be layin' on 'em in the interest of helping them not make the mistakes I made. Which inevitably they'll do anyway. I'm in touch with that.

When I goof up, (which I do often and have a long track record of doing my whole life long), I try to seek forgiveness, from God, from others I've hurt, and from myself. And then it's time to move on and not make that particular mistake again. Hopefully. Because I'm a creative person, I'll come up with a WHOLE NEW WAY to screw up next time.

Also, even my darkest moments have served in some way to bring me to where and who I am now, and I kinda like where and who I am now, so in a way I can even embrace those parts of my past as blessings.




But here's one thing: I do regret the pain and worry that I've caused other people when I've made poor choices. Deeply.

What's your favorite cuss word or do you use them?

OHMYGRANNY. I suppose I have used them all, in the past, in all sorts of vivid and colorful combinations. I worked in a male-dominated industry, full of crass but hilarious menfolk who expressed things in ways that my heretofore naive little mind had never-ever imagined possible. I picked up some phrases and tweaked them to suit my own personal preferences and beliefs (leaving out religious references as well as woman-hating language) and made them my own. They helped me deal with stress in a way that was comedic enough that just saying 'em I'd begin to see the lighter side of the situation. I'm not telling you any of those, and Mom, if you are reading this, I wrote it merely to seem human and fallible (because my fallibility isn't transparent enough here on the blog, you know?), but you and I both know I've never uttered a cuss-word in my life, right? Right Mom? And you haven't either, dammit!

Now that I live with Polly-the-Parrot, I rarely let loose an expletive that wasn't made famous by Mork from Ork (SHAZBOT!) or Richie Cunningham (Golly Gee Whiz, Fonzie!) although on occasion I slip up and let out a milder version of an all-time favorite worty dird. The other day, Bean dropped a ball or something outside and I heard her opine vehemently as it rolled down the street into the road.

"Oh, CRACK."

Crapped me right up, y'all.

What are some of your pet peeves?

Oh that's an EASY ONE. Mouth noises. I can't stand chewing, mouth-breathing, spitty sounds, clicking, gum-popping, anything like that. Mouth noises drive me absolutely out of my TREE. Always have. And it's so inconvenient, because people? They will MAKE the mouth noises. And this causes me a great deal of consternation at social functions that involve eating, drinking or, you know BREATHING. I'm always trying to find a location at the table or in the room away from the mouth noises. And sometimes I just can't. (Airplanes come to mind. Trapped in a sea of mouths, all crunching and chewing away on gum, tiny little bags of pretzels, and/or their attendant fingernails.) Which means I have to find a way to excuse myself until I am feeling less insane. (As you might imagine, that can take awhile.)

I have a LONG list of pet peeves. I'm excruciatingly peeve-able. Maybe I'll write a post about 'em all one day.

Is there a food that you absolutely hate?

That is VERY TOUGH. I've been pondering this question for weeks now. IS there a food I hate? There are foods I haven't TRIED because the though of eating them is revolting to me, like chitterlings (chittlin's) or calf brains or tripe or most other organ meats, but is it fair for me to say I HATE those, when I haven't even tasted them? My sensibilities say no.

Y'all know I LOVE food. They comprise a pretty lengthy and diverse roster - the things I'll eat. I'm definitely not finicky.

I don't much care for eggs, although I eat them anyway. It's a texture thing. And the fact that they get cold SO FAST. Why do eggs get cold so much quicker than everything else on my plate? Why is that? I can't figure it out. Bacon? Sizzlin'! Grits? Steamin' away! Toast? Warm enough to melt butter! Eggs? Stone cold.

What GIVES?

Al points out I don't really love bratwurst. Oh, and I don't love knockwurst, either.

Liver. UGH.

Never a huge fan of salmon croquettes. Or hot tuna casserole, although I could eat cold tuna salad all day long.

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Oh, and I don't like congealed, molded Jell-O® salads. Those are pretty much a scourge on humanity, in my opinion.

But that, my friends, is another post altogether, because there's way more hilarity in the subject of Jell-O® Brand Congealed Molded Salads than can be tacked on to the bottom of this one.

And you know it, people.

15 comments:

  1. That was highly entertaining! Thank you. I have to confess that I discovered the boxer brief secret when pregnant and thirteen years later I still love pulling on a comfy pair along with a clean t-shirt smelling of Downy to snuggle down under the covers. The picture of the jello salads is flippin' hysterical!!!

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  2. OMG. Mouth noises Kill. Me.

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  3. I kind of love jell-o salads. I know that I should be ashamed, but some part of me soars with delight when I see some glorious lime jello and cream cheese thing shimmering on a plate.
    Your new paint colours are GORGEOUS!

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  4. That was a fun post! I'm so glad you shared the pluses of boxers, although a little late for me! (At least as far as wearing them when pregnant!)

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  5. I also love cold tuna but strongly dislike (I reserve the word hate for things which are truly awful in this world) hot tuna in any casserole/melt variety.

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  6. Oh, I am totally with you on the Jello salads. They're just wrong. Particularly when they contain things that should never, EVER go with Jello. Like vegetables. Or mayonnaise. Ok, I gagged a little just typing that...

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  7. These posts are to fun.....fun like jiggly jello fun. :)

    you are the bestest.....you make me smile. thank you.

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  8. I wear my hubbys old tighty whities all the time. They're super comfy.

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  9. Mouth noises kill me too!! It is the MOST irritating thing. I hate to hear chewing on ice, munching potatoe chips, popping gum, and soooo many more. I have tried to desensitize myself to these noises, but it hasn't worked. I have to just cringe and bear it. Heather

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  10. Very Funny Megan.

    I love the colors you chose for the house. It all looks so warm.

    Have a great day!

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  11. I love the makeover pics - all of them! I LOVE Bean's room, and I don't think the guest bedroom is over the top. I love blue and white, it's a favorite of mine...very peaceful. I'm not usually an "earthy" or "natural" person as far as paint goes, but boy, your bedroom and bath look awesome - very cozy and warm. Love it.

    It is amazing how much difference paint can make! You are really going to enjoy it all. What a busy girl you have been! In the nesting phase, are you? ;)

    Jello is pointless.

    Men's underpants? News to me...but when you're pregger, dignity goes out the window, you know? Comfort, GIVE ME COMFORT!!!
    I wore the ultra-cheap Walmart cotton briefs that ended up looking like bikinis, all stretched out. It worked, what can I say? John was happy to see those go, along with the nursing bras. Lovely.

    Thanks, Megan, for your sweet comment this weekend - it brought a smile to my face. I really love homeschooling, we all do - when I've asked the kids as to their choices, they always choose homeschool.
    I think you'll love it. One of the best things about it to me is watching your kids develop relationships with each other - relationships that would not be as easy nor as deep if they were separated all day long. With your second on the way, I can't help but think of how much you are all going to enjoy that...

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  12. p.s.
    I have to take back one thing -

    Jellos IS pointless on its own. Cranberry salad at Thanksgiving made with jello is mahvelous, dahling. But I can't get it right - my mom has the touch.

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  13. I'm with you on the mouth noises, but I LOVE bratwurst. However, I think a brat is just too big, so I cut mine down the center and have half a brat each time, which to me, is perfection.

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  14. Loved that show.
    Love that song.
    I think I'll love the jello post...please write it, pretty please?

    Way back when I was a teeny-bopper I used to sew the hole shut & wear men's boxers as shorts. Yes I did too, and loved them!!

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Thoughts?