And On Top of All That, I B'lieve I've Been What's Known as Steak & Shook®

The internet has done broke down, y'all. Sporadically. Attempts to do my morning webby rounds today have been rather like trying to jump into a rousing round of Double Dutch. Which y'all know VERY WELL by now there's no way I could actually do, with these two left feet of mine and a brain that can barely distinguish near from far on a "good lucidity" day.

Which brings me to my second point. My GERD-ridden stomach is tied up in about forty-leven little flaming knots, so I can't have any CAWFEE! ACK. All the tea in the world can't make up for a cup of cawffee when you were up with your born kid once in the night and your unborn one twice, then awake for the day at 5:32 AM sharp. You know, SHARP, like fondue-fork-in-your-right-eye sharp?

And if I were to open up my mouth real wide right now, I am pretty sure you would be able to see a tiny foot, maybe even two tiny feet, just cresting the inside edge of my esophagus, its little toes wrapped tightly around my uvula.

The elder child? Has required stern disciplinary action twice today. 'Course I have only my own caffeine-deprived, muzzy-headed, bad-hair-day self to blame for that, as her morning so far has had about as much structure as a jellyfish on muscle relaxers. In between perpetrating disaster after consecutive disaster all around my lifeless form, she stops by to ask, "Mama, what are we gonna DO today?" And I reply "Un-UN-Uuuun," and shrug at her, my eyes boggling in their sockets. I'm completely out of ideas. Completely out of, you know, IT.

So my big plans for the day are to inhale occasionally, but only as absolutely necessary. Exhalation, I've already discovered, takes care of itself, if you forget. And Mama's got the goose-egg on her forehead to prove that.

Now, if I can just convince BEAN that intentional inhaling counts as wholesome structure and meaningful interaction with her mother, we'll be all set.

Speaking of which (not at all, really, I mean), do y'all need a new salad dressing recipe? Because my sister does. And I have this recipe card right here in my back pocket to write out in an email to her, so why don't I just write it out here? It's an oldie but a goodie, and my sister was opining about havin' all these fresh new little lettuces from her garden coming out her ears. The poor thing. Maybe some of y'all are in the same sad salad bowl along with her.

Check this one out:

Oregano/Cheese Salad Dressing

(Makes 1 1/2 cups.)

1/4 cup water
1 1/2 tsp. garlic salt
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
1 tsp. sugar
1/2 tsp. ground cumin seed
1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
1/2 tsp. ground dried oregano
1/4 tsp. pepper (I add a pinch of cayenne, too.)
6 Tbsp. olive oil
3 Tbsp. red wine vinegar
2/3 cup grated parmesan cheese

Whisk together well, or combine ingredients in a jar or cruet and shake well.

Also, don't forget the sweet and tangy dressing I posted along with my favorite San Francisco Salad.