Thursday, April 10, 2008

(So apparently I'm not going to be the next Dave Barry, either.)

I dreamed last night - get this, you're gonna love this - that I wrote a whole post, laughing outloud the WHOLE time I was writing it, about how, lamentably, I wasn't ever going to be the next Luther Vandross.

Which, to me, IS in fact, on many levels, indeed lamentable. And, you know, OBVIOUS.

But deep, deeeeeeeeeeep inside me there does, I kid you not, live a heavy-set black man in a funky suit (PLEASE DO NOT TELL MY HUSBAND) who could croon the theme to Clifford the Big Red Dog and make couples the world over fall in love.

Oh yeah -
Giddy-up giddy-up giddy-up!
Clifford, he neeeeeeeeeeeded his Em-i-ly,
And baby, love, oh oh uh-LOOOOOVE made her choose hi-im for her own.
Buddoh doh dee oh day yay yay yay yay yay yea-eah...

Are ya feelin' it yet, y'all?


Awwwwwwww. Sigh.

Okay, yeah. No. I recognize that despite my inner Lutha, out here on the surface in, you know, Realityville, none of us has to think too hard to come up with the countless searingly bold-faced ways in which I am, in fact, not he. And that's without your ever even having heard me sing, which would pretty much put the final nail in THAT coffin for you.

But try as I may, I can NOT turn this unfortunate twist of fate into a funny post, here in the painfully honest light of day.

Ah, life's cruel, cruel ironies.



  1. I'm laughing on the inside. Truly, I am.

  2. I have the most INSANE dreams when I am pregnant. I mean, off the charts, out of control cuhRAZY.

    So I get you on this. And I'm laughing.

  3. Thanks for making me smile! (And just because I like to share, last night I dreamed that I was talking with Paul McCartney. I wasn't making much sense while I was talking to him, so that part of it does mirror reality). : )

  4. Megan,
    You absolutedly crack me up!!!!!!
    You have no idea how much I needed that laugh today. I've got a mental picture of you singing just like the Luth!!!! And I think you could probably do it if you had half a mind to. Thanks for the lift. You rock, Luther, I mean Megan. A Southern IL reader.

  5. Does Al have an inner Lutha that he channels and uses to woo you with? Because that would be just sweet!

  6. Hee-hee. I am sure you will be jealous to know I actually met Luther. Actually, I forced myself on him a bit (in a very ladylike way). I own an art gallery and custom frame shop in the Buckhead area of Atlanta and he was on the street shopping and when he came out of the shop next door I asked him to come in and see what we had and he bought several thousand $$ worth of custom mirrors for his house. One painted like piano keys all around. And, sorry to say he did not sing one single note to me.

  7. ummmm yeah.....whatever......

    tee silly dreams. love you.

  8. I love you back, Anonymous Southern IL Reader. I wish you'd identify yourself sometime! xoxo

  9. Love you Megan, you don't have to be crack-me-up funny every SINGLE day!! It gives us mere mortals hope! (But your blondeness channeling Luther is kinda funny, in a smirky, smiley kinda way!!!)

  10. Hearing Clifford sung as a sexy soul song would freak me out, frankly.

  11. The other night I dreamed I was talking to the coffee cups as I put them in the dishwasher. Specifically, my blue coffee cups.

    How on earth did you come up with the Clifford song? Killing me.

  12. My hubby is liking you tonight... I made us some of Grandma's Hamburger Casserole and he told me I could make it anytime I want to. Kudos to you!

  13. You are so crazy.

    In fact, you're so crazy I have a blog award for you! Come and get it!