Saturday, February 9, 2008

Um. Eet Mor Chikin?

Here's what I'm thinkin'. I'ma put a Mr. Linky registration sheet down at the bottom of this post and y'all can sign up to just come on up/over/down and stay with me in 3-4 day shifts for the next five or six months.

'Cause we're home from vacation now and OHMYGRANNY, people, I am in what we Southern gals like to call A State.

First off, Mama is BEYOND TIRED. After running on all of my own personal cylinders and a couple I borrowed off a check-out lady at the grocery store in Hilton Head while I was in there buying massive quantities of bottled water and Gas-X, to keep up with, for a week, my CRAZY INSANE NEVER-STOP-FOR-A-MINUTE mother and sister (and our six attendant kids), then surviving TWELVE HOURS of car, airport and airplane travel-time capped off by being BARFED on by my lovely Bean LITERALLY AS WE PULLED UP TO OUR HOUSE LAST NIGHT, YES, I am currently unable to muster even a fraction of an ounce more energy than it takes to fall over/off the side of my bed and crawl haltingly to the potty and back. That is all. Slather me with butter and slice me on the diagonal, folks. I am TOAST.

Secondly, after having been surrounded by no less than 9 other people (at a time) who share common genes with me, whose obscure thought processes and yay, even senses of humor (the night Al, Bean and I arrived, my sister came out with the most incredibly hilariously BAD choice of words to describe a piece of cheese dangling off my nephew's lip as we were all horking down Grandmama FriedOkra's Hamburger Casserole and we were all sent into convulsions of embarrassed, scandalized but gleeful giggles that continued to erupt periodically for the rest of our stay) bear striking (and occasionally scary) resemblance to mine for a full week, coming home, even in the company of my two most favorite people (and funniest, too) in this world, has left me excruciatingly lonely. I can't really even begin to capture the feeling in words although my mom used the word BEREFT for how SHE feels right now and that seems like a pretty good start.

Also, my house is in that just-got-back-from vacation shambly state and there's nothing to eat here, and me? I'm busy being worn out and pathetic, so I cannot be expected to address those two issues.

So y'all will need to band together now and come pick up my pieces and put me back together. And entertain my forlorn daughter who, without her 5 young cousins, is tripping over her own chin her poor face is so long and sad and pathetic. So bring your kids, too, please.

And something sticky and sweet, preferably baked with loads of cinnamon and covered in cream-cheese frosting. Ahem. Available at airports and malls nationwide at a place whose name rhymes with Pinnabon.

And magazines, too, but PLEASE, no magazines that feature skinny, fashionably-dressed women, because those WILL NOT HELP ME AT ALL. Bring me magazines about um ... cows. Cows wearing seam-straining frumpy, dumpy clothes that aren't quite big enough to cover their large bovine bellies. Cows with huge, saggy udders and bloated, drained-looking faces. Yeah, those I'll be able to relate to very well.

Heck, I could be the Cover Cow for one of those magazines.

What? You DON'T wanna come cook and clean for the tired, lonely cow with the exposed belly button and the saggy udders?

Well, okay, but could you at least send your kids and a couple dozen Classic Cinnabons?


Seriously, I do have a lot of stuff to tell you and show you from vacation. I'll rest up this weekend and be back with pictures and stories next week. In the meantime, I have about 962 of YOUR posts to read and comment on, so I'll be around!


  1. Where's Mr Linky? I was going to sign up! I can't believe Bean got sick when you were almost home. You poor thing - rest as much as you can under the circumstances.

  2. Yes, I believe a 12-pack of Cinnabons are in order. Man, I missed your humor all week long. Glad you had a great time - I want to know what your sister said!!

  3. That vacation went fast don't ya think?? sounds like one fun week tho' I haven't got any kids but will be glad to come help you out, to eat all those cinnabuns the rest will be bringing...Where's Mr. Linky???

  4. THAT is why I only read cooking magazines, my friend. There are no slim people in them.

  5. Well, HA, I did you a big favor - hardly posted all week long. I had no drivel to share this week.

    Glad to hear you had such a good time. I understand the forlorn loneliness that you and Bean are feelin' - here's wishin' we could drag ourselves there to be with you during this time!

  6. OK, so perhaps Atlanta was just a tad out of the way to Hilton Head. :-) Glad you're back. Now GET TO THOSE PICTURES, SISTER!


  7. I decided that my grown up self (fellow cow) should stay put while my three offsprings could be some sort of service to you. You can greet three of the most beautiful children at your airport at 6am tomorrow. I am sure they will be of great help while I am here in Texas enjoying my break. Thanks so much for asking for them. :)

  8. Oh, we missed you! I'm glad you had such a good visit with the fam! Coming home is always a let-down...and being a mama-"cow" makes it harder. Give yourself some time...just rest, and take care of yourself...and of course the little ones. Glad all made it safely home!

  9. Okay, I'll come up and bring the girls. D and Bean can play together and if you'll hold the baby, I'll unpack your suitcases and run the laundry through. Howzzat sound?

    I better pick up some winter coats on our way up . . .

    By the way, I give you permission to mark my feed as Read. Nothing exciting happened while you were away!

  10. It's kind of like a homesick feeling, isn't it?

    If I had the means to get there, I honestly would. Honest. But you really wouldn't want me cooking for you. The cleaning, I can do. The cooking, I cannot.

    You just need a few days to rest (Al isn't already back to work tomorrow, is he?) and pretty soon you'll be feeling better again.

  11. welcome home.
    and bereft is the only way to describe that feeling.

  12. I am on my way!!!!

    'Cause if you already feel that big with that TINY little bump you are sportin' you're gonna need some serious help with your persepective: "Yours Truly aka: still sportin' baby fat or 8, 10 or 400 dozen muffin tops."



  13. can you sayz "Uze ur spelz chk, girl?"

  14. holy cow! i do not know you (only through your hilarious writings) but after that post i am packing a bag and headed off to i don't know where and coming to help you out, geesh! my inner thangs/pangs of mommyness are wanting to take care of you and yours. i just can't help myself... i am a fantastic cook, so i can team up with the other jenn

  15. What in the world did your sister say, Shug?!

  16. I'm bereft, too, Megan. We are just back from an 8-day family vacation ourselves, and it's a shocker to go from such fun to such quietness. But it's always good to be home, too.

    Thankfully, we got home Friday and had the weekend to recuperate. I'll tell you what we need - a vacation from our vacation!!! The exhaustion is palpable but I cannot imagine how much worse it would be to also be pregnant. You were brave to do it to begin with!

    Take your time - the house is not going anywhere, you know. Hope Bean is okay.

  17. You forgot to mention how many blog posts were in your reader. ugh...I was offline for like 2 days and have like 200....I can't do it....I am so behind....and the stress....oh my.....

    okay, I doubt that was helping...sorry.

    missed you! :)