I was supposed to be regaling you with stories about The Wedding today. Only I wasn't supposed to be, I was planning to be, and therein lies the crux of today's post.
When I first posted about The Wedding, it felt all wrong. Honestly! See, I tone myself down for y'all (and for most people that I know), but I have inherited a rapier-sharp tongue and a mind full of bitingly sarcastic, haughty, mean, but generally funny-at-someone-else's-expense "humor."
However, when I started this blog, I vowed to myself I would NOT employ THAT kind of humor, because I feel strongly convicted of the sarcasm and snootiness it belies, AND, in truth, it breaks my heart to think of the people I have hurt and could hurt with such a poor excuse for funny-ness. And all self-congratulation aside, I have held to that vow pretty well except for the original post about the wedding, which I regret ever writing, but I'm leaving up to remind myself that it's so easy (and often so entertaining) to slip back into my old, wrong habit of putting others down to get a "positive" reaction from people.
I sincerely apologize for that lapse in judgment.
On the day of The Wedding, I made a conscious decision to leave my camera at home. At that point I was not PLANNING on blogging about The Wedding, and I even told a couple of people that I just wasn't going to do it. Including Al.
But afterwards the pull to tell y'all about it was so strong. It's awful hard to break the sarcasm habit when you've leaned on it for YEARS to get attention, laughs, and ego-strokes.
I'm a flawed, tacky, tasteless person in many many ways. Aren't we all? So who on Earth am I to whip off a razor-witted tale for you about the very serious marriage ceremony of two good-hearted people who clearly love one another and went to great lengths to share such a special and important occasion with those they count as the special people in their lives, including my own family?
So, The Wedding Post, it is off. And I am spending the time it'd have taken me to tell you all about it instead telling you that I am a big forty-year-old jerk who still has a lot, and I mean A LOT of growing up to do.
Check out this beautiful, heartfelt, wise post from another (less jerky) Megan, at SortaCrunchy.
It is a post that deserves all the attention I can point to it. And one that I will read again and again, filled with remorse but so hopeful that God will continue to coax my tragically unteachable spirit into and up to His beautiful truth.