I wanted to post twice daily this week and I'm barely managing to scrape together enough fodder for one measly, unsatisfactory post per day. What's a girl to do? Bean and I've been laying low since Monday to recuperate from all the comp'ny we've had over the past month. Comp'ny which has had a considerably lower threshold for boredom than do the permanent members of the household, I might add, thus requiring actual activity and stimulation on a nearly DAILY basis, thus leaving us pooped out and in need of quiet seclusion for several days. Alas, not much happens in seclusion, even if you squinch up your face real hard and will it to.
*Grunt* Something. Blogworthy. Please. Happen! *Grunt* See? Still nothin'.
So we're just gonna have to throw ourselves back out into the world today and make things happen, I suppose. Our first foray back into civilization will BE! THE! GROCERY STORE! We haven't grocery shopped (other than the trip for milk while Nana and Poppa were here) since... wait lemme look at the calendar... Saturday, August 18th. So we're gonna be there for awhile. Maybe even need one of the BIG RED BUGGIES this time! We go to this popular-among-the-locals employee-owned warehouse store not too far away, and a trip to Woodman's will surely provide us a morning of entertainment, because this place is Heee-UGE. I am not exaggerating (much)(though I believe it perhaps has come to your attention by now that I may be somewhat given to hyperbolizing from time to time) when I say that you could comfortably plop the average chain-operated grocery store into just the bakery and produce section of our local Woodman's and have room left over for a Starbucks® or two (which wouldn't be a bad idea, actually, come to think of it).
But it's not overwhelming in its hugeness, because it's relatively well-laid out except the produce section which, can you say Corn Maze on speed? And everything seems to be where you'd expect it to be, too. Except for maybe the Jello®, but that's a problem in any grocery store because really, it's a difficult to pin down the exact most logical location for the boxes of sweetened, colored ground horse hooves that people stir into boiling water and then chill until congealed into jiggly faux-fruity goodness for the whole family, y'all. Really, something that rare and unique should have its own aisle, truth be told. Or maybe at least just share one with the Spam®.
Been shopping at Woodman's long enough now that I've built myself a little template on my counter top computer. Whenever I run out of something I just scurry over here and pull up my shopping list template and plug it in before I forget what it was I ran out of. The template is arranged such that when we shop, we can go from the top of the list to the bottom (spanning two or three columns) in order, starting in the frozen foods and dairy sections while we're still warm from the outdoor temperature in the summer or still wearing our coats in the winter, because the frozen food and dairy sections of this store would make a hot-natured polar bear cry for its Mommy. We're out of there as quickly as humanly possible, hobbling on frozen, nub-like feet. Sometimes the chattering teeth and all the shivering and the very real threat of frostbite cause me to skim the list too quickly and miss an item or two, which means we have to GO BACK IN when we get to the little opening at the end of the ethnic foods aisle. Mah-ahm? Why we g-g-g-goin' back in DERE? Iss too c-c-c-COL' in DERE! I'm steew fwozen fum wass time.
Once off the tundra for good, we swing by and grab a jar of sunflower butter in the organic and specialty foods lane and set about defrosting in the household cleaning and laundry sections and then make a bee-line to my favorite place in the whole store, the coffee, tea and hot cocoa aisle. OH THE AROMAS. And the various varied varieties. AND THE AROMAS. A whole aisle dedicated to coffee and tea and chocolate, people! A BIG, LONG, WIDE AISLE. Oh, it is a thing to behold. And besmell. Now, when Al's with us, he can spend up to 15 or 20 minutes pondering all the teas. He's a label-reader and a price-comparer and has STRINGENT TEA CRITERIA which must be met, BUT he is also prone to experimentation AND listens to Public Radio, where he gathers up-to-the-minute information on which organic whole green teas grown in what fields in the lowlands of Assam will enhance his mental/physical/metaphysical performance to the greatest degree. With all those factors to consider, the man spends more time picking out his weekly ration of tea than he spent picking out, oh, say, his wife. BUT, this affords his comparatively hastily-selected wife the time to stand (okay, lie prone, as long as no one's looking) before the coffees and inhale until her eyes bug out.
After we've satiated our respective hot beverage Joneses, we move through the next aisles quickly before cautiously approaching the dreaded produce area, which as I have mentioned, threatens every time we're there to devolve into a mango-and-rutabaga slinging free-for-all, because the aisles are too narrow and the produced stacked too high for safe and peaceful maneuver-age by anything larger than the runt of a large litter of dust mites, yet everybody still has to park the big old cart RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF THIS CHERRY TOMATO TOWER so as to more closely scrutinize, sniff and fondle the goods prior to purchase. And while one shopper fondles the cherry tomatoes, another's stuck by default staring at the 2 foot long shrink-wrapped English cucumbers. And you can look at that second shopper and KNOW that she's about three seconds from snatching up one of those cukes and using it as a weapon. Move AWAY from the cherry tomatoes and no one gets hurt. Yes tension runs HIGH among the fruits and vegetable aisles. We eat a lot of frozen produce around here.
Last stop are the health and beauty aisles, where Bean's non-stop running grocery-related commentary goes from adorably charming to wickedly humiliating while her voice simultaneously increases by 15 decibels. WOW! DASS THE BIGGESS BOX O' PAMPONS I EVER SEEEEEEEEEED! ISS HEEEEEEEE-UUUUUUUUGE! and YES WESS GET DADDY SOME EXTER DEODOWANT MAMA, HE'S STA-A-ANNN-KEEEE! PEE-EE-EEEE UUUUU... YUCKYSTANKYYUCKYSTANKYYUCKYSTANKY! and GASSEX? Mama, WASS GASSEX? WHY WE NEED ALLA DAT GASSEX?
Um. Maybe we don't REALLY need to go grocery shopping today. After all, I've got my post now, and the whole rest of the day to figure out what I can make for dinner with a jar of Strawberry All-Fruit, a packet of taco seasoning and half a box of whole wheat vermicelli.