Thursday, August 23, 2007

Hey, I Can't Be Funny When Priscilla Maude Sybil's Got the Reins

I remember sitting at the Fulton County Registrar's Office about 4 years ago, next to my strong, handsome fiance, waiting to apply for our marriage license. Among other things, I was still pondering right down to the wire what my new name should be. When I married the first time, I HYPHENATED my last name AND kept the middle name my parents gave me, rendering me The Person with the SINGLE. LONGEST. NAME. EVER. Needless to say, about 6.42 seconds into that marriage, I slapped my forehead in resolute regret and wished fervently that I could just be Megan, like Cher, or Madonna, or even Roseanne. I was forced to perfect the art of writing microscopic letters and drawing in additional circular bubbles on forms of all kinds. OH it was all kinds of fun, people. And the cropped versions of my name that would STILL appear on licenses and government documents and mailing lists even after all of my diligent documentation? Always an object lesson in humility. They didn't just lop off however many letters they were short at the end of my name... they pulled them out randomly whereever they saw fit. I knew I didn't want to hyphenate again. Ever. A girl gets tired of seeing her name spelled so it looks like a half-finished New York Times crossword puzzle.

I had to shorten things up this time around. I didn't want to just keep my maiden name. True story - a certain popular spell-check program corrects my maiden name to Mean Ferret. You cannot begin to imagine the hilarity that afforded my co-workers back when I was gainfully employed.

But my parents were blessed with two girls and no boys, as were my Dad's brother Butch and his wife Joy, my mother's sister. Yes, that's right. Brothers married sisters which means that I have a couple girl cousins to whom I'm so closely related that even though we're nearly a thousand miles apart, when one of them sneezes, my eyes water. Anyway, we, the four female products of these two unions, single-handedly cauterized the branches of not one but TWO family trees into stumpy little nubs. Irrrrrk. Giving up my own family surname felt wrong to me. Like a final stinging slap in the face to my father and his father and all their fathers before them.

So when the registrar finally called us into her office so we could sign over our single lives to one another, and the moment came for me to write into existence the new manifestation of the Mean Ferret, in one fell swoop of the pen, I gave up my given, girlhood middle name, Carol, which is also my mother's name, and became Megan MaidenName Surname. And for three weeks out of the month, that's who I am.

But long about the middle of that fourth week, the week we're in right at this very moment, I become Megan Priscilla Maude Sybil Surname.

And those are the middle names I'm gonna use for purposes of this Middle Name Meme, because, that, afterall, is my PREROGATIVE, dangit!!! And I'll thank you VERY MUCH to keep your opinions to the contrary to yourself!!!

1. You have to post these rules before you give the facts.
2. You must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of their middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.
3. When you are tagged, you need to write your own blog post containing your own middle name game facts.
4. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

P is for Persnickety. As in Who in Sam Hill put this coffee cup back in the cabinet with the handle pointing to the RIGHT? What kind of MORON doesn't KNOW that the HANDLE of a COFFEE MUG goes on the LEFT, so I can grab the MUG out of the cabinet with my LEFT HAND while I SIMULTANEOUSLY grab the COFFEE POT with my right hand and pour without having to pause and shuffle, thereby delivering coffee down gullet and caffeine into brain with not a millisecond of time wasted. ECONOMY OF MOTION, people. COME ON!

M is for Mental. As in OHMYGOSH WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT? Get your crummy eyeballs off of me this instant, they make me SICK, all round and googly and questioning and WEIRD. What am I a one-woman side show that you have to be STARING AT ME all the time? STOP IT RIGHT NOW YOU'RE HURTING MY FEELINGS YOU COLD, HEARTLESS OGRE. Sob! No one loves me... No one's ever loved me... I am the most unloveliest of unloved souls on the face of this planet!! Sob sob sob!!!

S is for Starving. As in YESSSSS! YESSSS! Look at this! I CAN load an entire 40 oz. tub of Jif® onto this 1 1b. Hershey® bar! Sure the chocolate hangs over the edges of the graham crackers a little, but the peanut butter's staying up fine and look! It's holding the 2 lb. bag of Cheetos on, too. Come to Mama, sweet snack of love!

What's your middle name this week?


  1. You crack me up!! Let me tell you, you are not alone. I know exactly how you feel sister.

  2. Megan --

    This has to be one of the funniest posts I've ever read!

    Fortunately, I won't have that middle name for quite awhile now (although post-pregnancy hormones aren't always better...)

    I have a short middle name. Very southern... two letters. Totally doesn't go with my first name, but it's my mama's middle name and unfortunately she felt the need to share it.

    Any guesses??


    ps - I love the two brothers marrying two sisters thing! COOL!

  3. My name, with my hyphenated last name, has 33 letters so I feel your (former) pain on that. :) Growing up (even before the hyphenation!) on all the standardized tests my first name would always be "Jennif" hehe. And wow.. I thought I was a little crazy around that "time of the month" haha. ;)

  4. And because I'm like that, I would guess that {karla}'s middle name is Jo. Just saying.

  5. Whewee! You must be having quite a week!

    I love my middle name--Ruth. She's my favorite Bible character. I wouldn't mind if it was my first name. I liked it so much I gave it to my daughter for her first name.

  6. I mean her middle name--I really need to go to bed! My brain's at the farmer's market already!

  7. Nice twist on this meme! If I had to pick a middle name for myself this week it would be "what now"!

    Only 16 hours till Honey is back.

  8. I just don' At the oddest moments, I hear your voice in my head, Megan. You always make me laugh....I SO wish I had your style ;-)

  9. Megan, honey, you have GOT to address this problem you have with repressing your true feelings. It's not GOOD to bottle things up like this. Let it out. Just let it out. Tell us how you really feel.

  10. Megan:

    Thought it would be fun to do this. I tagged two blogging friends. Thanks for the fun!

  11. I did this meme a few posts ago. I also kept all my names and just added my husband's name on the end. I didn't like the idea of "dropping" so I added. I am not hyphenated for a list of reasons but, I get lots of, ummmm, opinion on my 4 names. Here in the deep south of Louisiana, it's all me trying to be a "princess" or "feminist". Not that I just want to be ME.

    So, love your blog. Sorry Priscilla Maude Sybil's come to visit.

  12. Ha ha ha! That's the funniest and most original introduction to a meme I've ever read!

    I feel for you right now - so much so that I'm going upstairs to find some chocolate right.this.second. Feel the love?

  13. I don't have a middle name. My real name is Maribeth - all one word, but I have always been called Mari. I do think I may take on Priscilla Maude Sybil as middle names because I have my moments of persnickety, mental and of course starving!

  14. Megan! I'm finally here! I LOVE your new blog! I'm so sorry it's taken me ages to get here. I miss you at Diaryland! But I think what you have going here is WONDERFUL - much more The Real You, you know? I have missed so much already, and have noooo idea how I'll ever catch up! I will try to check in when I can, but will probably just have to do big catch ups now and then!

    Lots of love to you!! xxxx

  15. Hi Megan--

    I'm here because one of your readers, my sis-in-law, Summer in FL, introduced me. I've clicked over several times from her blogroll and one time realized that I think we live NEAR each other!? I'm from the far western suburbs.

    So, come visit a fellow Illini (transplanted here since college and marriage) before we sell our house and move to Wisconsin! Illinois bloggers seem to be few and far between compared to the Southern set.

    Oh, and Summer tagged me for this meme after reading it here, so perhaps it'll even be up soon....


  16. And THIS is why I've missed reading blogs.

    Incidentally, I didn't have a middle name growing up, since my first name is hyphenated, which is a HUGE pain the arse, and I'd NEVER put that kind of curse on my child. So when I got married, I kept my maiden name as my "middle name", since I'd always wanted a "middle name", but unfortunately my maiden name is an un-spellable German name, and I think it was the STUPIDEST mistake of my life. So now I live my life trying to avoid using said "middle name", which means I'm back to having none at all, which is just fine with me. :-)

  17. Oh My Gosh! I thought only my family had brothers marrying sisters! My dad and his brother married fraternal twins. They managed to have 7 girls and only 1 boy between them. My grandfather and his brother also married sisters. My Pappy (that's what I call my dad) says when farm boys like it that way.

    My brother is finally ;) getting married this spring. We tease my future sister that she's under a lot of pressure to carry on the family name.