Crunchy Goodness - My First Post

This is the FIRST POST in my brand new blog. I have been an on-line diarist here for a little over three years (as I gestated, delivered and began raising my 2 and a half year old daughter, Bean), and have recently found I wished for a bloggier blog to carry with me over the next phase of my life. Whatever the next phase may be. Yeeps!

I created this blog a few days ago in a moment of pure creative abandon (as evidenced by the standard template and absence of extras of any variety, ahem), and since the initial burst of motivation to create it, it has sat here in my computer, blinking at me and waiting. Kindof like the gloriously over-big and complicated kiddie pool we set up for Bean this weekend in the back yard, the same yard which has quickly become our Redneck Riviera. (More on that later, I suspect.) We sweated in the 97-degree heat to inflate the inflatable portion of the pool, center the pool carefully in the perfectly perfect spot on the patio, and waited impatiently the 3 full hours the hose took to turn a blue plastic husk into a crystaline cathedral of pure, refreshing coolness, only to watch Bean stare wide-eyed with terror at it for a full day before conceding to be placed in it. Once in, she loudly pronounced the water - c-c-c-c-code (cold), briefly, but upon discovery of her own delightful bouyancy and the vast array of activities that 3 hours of full-blasted hose water afforded her, she forgot her blue lips and quaking limbs entirely and set to revelin' in her new ceeeeeeeement pond. That's the effect I'm going for by writing my first post quickly and without a huge amount of planning or consternation. I hope I can just ignore the blank-slatedness of this box, forget the lack of history or background, set aside my desire for everything to be perfect before I let anyone in, and just set to revelin', myself.

I am just me. Megan. As the little sobriquet I chose for my blog intimates, I was raised Southern, to my core, yet I found myself transplanted (quite willingly, I might add) to suburban Chicago about a year ago. I am happy here, and I think in some ways more Southern out of the South than I could ever have been comfortable while immersed in it, geographically. I suppose that's because I can more fully appreciate what's most literally and importantly Southern to me (the food, the weather, and the football, in that order, to name a few major headings) up here where those things are harder to come by. I love that I am different from a Midwesterner on the surface (and they do have fun with that up here!) but have adapted (or liberated, in many ways) parts of who I am into the unique qualities of Midwesterners and their own lifestyle. I am a Southern transplant who can apparently bloom where she's planted, and that's been a surprising and really delicious discovery I've made in the past year.

I am married to the most adorable, sweet, and loving man I have ever met, bar none. He's been my friend, my big brother, my mentor, and my teacher for 10 years this year, and will have been my husband for four years in December. My husband is black and I am white. Actually he is brownish and I am pinkish, but by, you know, the world's definition, we are an interracial couple. It makes zero difference, really, in our lives, but it is worth noting, I suppose, although I don't really know why, even if I make myself think about it real hard. We got pregnant -- on our honeymoon, thank you loving God -- with Bean in January of 2004, and she was born that October. Bean makes my heart feel like it has butterflies inside. Most of the time. I never knew I could have a CRUSH on my own kid, but I do. There are times I wish I could BE her, because so far she's so much of what I wish I could be. Really. Already.

I am a Christian and have been since college. I suppose. Or maybe since I was eleven. But definitely since college. My family has a somewhat unique religious history and present, I suppose, but then again my family has a somewhat unique everything, which I think will get revealed in later posts. To date, my faith has been about restoration. I hold most dearly the promises my God has made, the love He has for me (and for His people in this world), the forgiveness He offers me and that I most gratefully accept. Or attempt to. Like everyone, my past is rife with inadequacy, mistakes, lies, deceit and general faithlessness. Yet I love God and know He has a plan for my life, and I want to live His plan. I currently struggle with rebuke and scorn within myself, which I frequently attribute to God. I have a difficult time separating my own disappointment in myself from God's powerful messages for me. I know that the struggle means I'm poised for a great learning, and I am excited and scared of what God has to teach me this time. So I play hide and seek with Him. I want this blog to be a place I can seek without fear.

I am a deeply atrophied (is that a word?) writer and artist, after taking a nearly 15 year hiatus from all things creative and artistic while I pursued an amazingly unsuitable (for me) but successful (by my standards) career in financial services. I want to write and draw/paint/weave/photograph/whatever my way back to my "old self" again. It's a process I've begun but get breathless to speed up from time to time as pieces of me reveal themselves in the moments I have to engage in related pursuits. I want, also, to be funny and free and open. Alive and vibrant. But basic. Simple. These are the parts of me I think I should excavate here... for interest's sake but also to develop into the wife and mother I know I can be. The wife and mother my family deserve and that God will delight in.

My friend and former college roommate Elaine wrote a beautiful and clever poem/prayer for her first post at her new blog. I hope she doesn't mind my taking page from her book and following suit.



Lord, this blog is Yours and mine

I hope You live in every line

If I stray and make You frown

Kindly strike my laptop down.



I'm a Mama and a wife

Grateful for this blessed life.

Help me bless new friends and old

Let God's Megan here unfold.



And if by chance I lose perspective

Say, my posts become invective?

Quickly and with zero doubtage

Bring about a power outage!



Amen.